


Partnered

by Fijou



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, YouTube, Youtuber AU, doyoung is just trying his best, jaehyun is a very successful youtuber, remember kids the internet isnt always fun, too many characters and side couples
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 32,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28052097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fijou/pseuds/Fijou
Summary: Doyoung was already struggling to keep up with both his studies and his semi-successful Youtube channel. The last thing he needed was getting involved in drama that was way beyond his own reach anyway.Unfortunately, change never asked before it entered one's life. And apparently neither did Jaehyun.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 33
Kudos: 163





	1. [one]

**Author's Note:**

> uhh hi to anyone who might read this! here's a youtube au that absolutely no one asked for but i'm providing anyway  
> i'm only writing this for fun when I have the time and energy for it so pls dont be upset if things like the setting of this story arent extremely detailed.. proper korean formalities n stuff probably wont be considered either (is this set in south korea? in the US? are we somewhere in europe? i have no idea but maybe we'll figure it out along the way)
> 
> and remember: real people are only seen as inspiration for completely fictional characters. this is not meant to describe real life people or their relationships!
> 
> rated Teen for swearing and probably mentions of alcohol in future chapters

It was nearing midnight and the sound of his own pen scratching against paper was slowly starting to irritate Doyoung. The sun outside his window had set hours ago and the lamp on his small desk just barely provided enough light for him to keep studying. He sighed when he leaned back and rubbed at his tired eyes with the back of his hand, the one that didn't have ink stains from the pen that had broken earlier that day.

Doyoung had never really liked studying late at night. He much preferred to get things done throughout the day when it felt like his brain at least tried to function at its full capacity. It had gotten harder however to keep up the nice morning routine and productive evenings he had gotten used to during his time in highschool. 

He'd prided himself in these habits and fully believed that they had been the key to his successful graduation and good grades. And maybe he could have even adapted this kind of schedule to his life in university.

As was the case, his third year at university had begun recently and his days had lost any semblance of a sensible schedule sometime during his first year.

He chanced a glance at his laptop that he'd set up on the kitchen counter, only to remind himself why he was in this situation in the first place. The video shown on the display was still stuck on the rendering process as it had been for the past two hours. The 93% that titled the progress on screen almost seemed to mock Doyoung in his misery.

He was tired of studying and desperate to get into bed. Surprisingly enough, trying to run a semi-successful Youtube channel did not mesh well with Doyoung's desired healthy sleep schedule and being a full-time student. And although getting some more hours of sleep was tempting, he wouldn't have changed any of this.

His Youtube channel consisted mostly of silent vlogs, study videos and the occasional montage video of clips and pictures he took throughout his days. It was simple in aesthetics and themes even when Doyoung was almost falling apart from working so hard on it. He couldn't help it, he was a perfectionist after all. And he had always struggled a little with that side of himself.

While his natural drive to do his best at all times benefited his grades, there had never been an outlet for that pressure he put on himself. He had always been smart but finding purpose in that didn't come easy to him.

Until he uploaded his first video in the second semester of university. Even just one comment about how his vlogs were calming and his study videos motivating were enough to keep him going despite everything. Being able to help anyone with his videos was more precious to him than anything he had done in his life before he started his channel.

Although Doyoung didn’t like to dwell on the emotional side of things too much. His older brother had more often than not accused him of being coldhearted. Doyoung however liked to think he was being rational and clever instead. As long as he didn’t get attached to anything he didn’t risk getting hurt.

And besides, his Youtube channel had much more tangible benefits anyway. It helped him pay his bills and was after all the only reason he could afford to rent out his own little apartment while he was still a student. He didn’t even have to rely on financial support from his parents, which he was immensely grateful for. They had never really approved of his choice to study Literature in the first place. Their compliments were well-intentioned and sometimes even flattering, but Doyoung had grown tired of hearing that he should use intelligence for a degree that would actually help him find a job later in life. Maybe he was a little too idealistic, stuck between being optimistic and being too stubborn to admit that he shared those worries, but he told himself he genuinely believed that all of this was worth it. And if anything, his Youtube channel supported his choices by providing both inspiration for his studies and money to cover his living costs.

The apartment he could afford with the money he earned from ads and the few sponsored videos he had done in the past wasn’t much to brag with. It was small, very small. The entire kitchen space was only about three metres wide and his desk was placed right next to the counter that most of the time served as a laptop stand instead of a place to prepare food. The big window that covered almost one whole wall, because the wall itself wasn’t very long, at least provided a lot of natural light for his videos. And since his sleep schedule had progressively gotten worse, he had also learned to appreciate just looking at the stars every now and then. Sometimes they were the only source of light other than the blinding screen of his laptop, which he looked back at now once again.

“Oh my god finally”, he said out loud even though he was alone in his apartment as usual. His friends had warned him a few times that living on his own for so long was already making him develop some strange habits. Doyoung didn’t care about any of that though, especially not when the video he had been trying to upload had finally gone through the whole rendering process. He watched impatiently as the website loaded once more and his video eventually showed up on his channel. At least for some of his European viewers the video would be up sometime during the day and not in the middle of the night. He shut his laptop close with a little more force than was probably necessary and dragged himself to the ladder that led up to his small loft space and his bed that felt more inviting that night than ever. His eyes fell closed as soon as his head hit the soft pillow.

And yet, if Doyoung had been promised that he would live the exact same day tomorrow without any change, he would have done it all over again.

* * *

„Where’s Doyoung?“

He heard Yuta’s voice before he even saw his friend and for a moment he was tempted to duck his head and hide behind the book that was currently lying open next to his lunch. But he knew it would have been a futile effort. Some other student he vaguely recognised as someone from their university’s basketball team had already pointed in his direction.

“Thanks Johnny”, Yuta said for everyone around to hear before he hurried over to where Doyoung was sitting at one of the tables of the café on campus. Right, Johnny was the guy’s name. Now that Doyoung thought about it he might have even been the captain of the basketball team. In his defence, Doyoung wasn’t very interested in sports or, as a matter of fact, in the people who played them. He knew the people in his own classes, he’d even held events for first year students a few months ago, and that was more than enough involvement he needed with anyone in this university.

To this day he still wondered how he had become friends with Yuta at all.

Yuta was very different from him. Although he wasn’t very loud either and some were even intimidated by him at first, most people loved to have him around. He was talented, beautiful and infinitely charming. So it was only natural that professors and students alike had been very disappointed when he had dropped out of university after only little more than a year. Doyoung didn’t blame him though. Considering the success Yuta had found with his Youtube channel even before he had enrolled, it was understandable that he decided to focus on it as his full-time job. In any way, he was still hanging out on campus for the most days.

Yuta claimed the university’s practice rooms were the best place to film his dance covers. Doyoung on the other hand suspected it had more to do with either Taeyong, the dance major who still always unlocked those rooms for Yuta even after he dropped out, or Winwin, the foreign exchange student who had decided to stay past his one term exchange program because he had been offered a full-ride scholarship.

He was just about to greet Yuta when his friend sat down next to him and he noticed the serious look on his face. Doyoung couldn’t tell whether he was excited or upset about something and either option could have possibly been unsettling for him. The blueberry muffin Doyoung hadn’t even taken one bite of so far got pushed to the side when Yuta leaned further into Doyoung’s space.

“What is it?”, Doyoung asked finally when Yuta didn’t explain himself. The suspicion was clear in his voice.

“You really haven’t checked your channel at all today?”, his friend answered with another question and at least this time Doyoung could make out the disbelief and disappointment in the familiar face. Which, however, didn’t explain much at all either.

Doyoung was never logged into his own Youtube account on his phone and only checked it from the safety of his apartment. Because as much as he liked replying to comments, seeing the statistics for his videos at any time had weighed down on his mental health heavily when his channel had first gotten a little more attention. So he only shook his head, confused more than anything because Yuta should have already known all that. Befriending him in their first semester had been the main reason why Doyoung had started his channel at all.

“I knew some day one of your decisions would put me in a situation like this”, Yuta said with a dramatic sigh and Doyoung was starting to get genuinely worried, “I mean I respect them but why do I always have to end up getting involved.”

“Can you just tell me what the hell is going on?”, Doyoung’s open book and blueberry muffin had been long forgotten.

Yuta stayed silent for a second, then continued: “Promise me you won’t freak out?”

“If you don’t spit it out soon I’m - “

“Okay, alright fine”, Yuta interrupted him and put up his hands in surrender, “just don’t blame me for telling you now. I think it’s better for you to know.”

He reached for his phone that he carried in the back of his jeans and opened Doyoung’s channel without any further explanation. It took Doyoung several moments to realise what he was supposed to see there. The channel looked as it always did, with its pretty light blue header and the video he had uploaded the night before showing up on the main page. But then he took a closer look and finally noticed that the subscriber count, which last night and for months before that had sat at around 50 thousand, now showed the number 71 000.

“What the - “, Doyoung didn’t even know which kind of swear word was appropriate for a situation like this. He never gained more than about 50 subscribers per day. The fact that this app was telling him that he had gained 20 thousand over night was more than ridiculous.

Against his best judgement, he grabbed his own phone from the table and logged into his account with the thought that maybe Yuta’s phone was just experiencing some sort of glitch. This was the first of his own rules that Doyoung broke.

Betrayed by his phone, Doyoung had to realise that it showed the exact same subscriber count as Yuta’s had. And as if things hadn’t already been confusing enough, Yuta reached over and grabbed Doyoung’s phone to show him a video Doyoung had uploaded about two months ago. It had been a massive project and although it hadn’t gotten nearly as many clicks as his short silent vlogs Doyoung was very proud of it. The title of the video read: _10 hours – Study with Me [real time/low music]._ He hadn’t even been sad when the video had only gotten around 10 thousand views when he uploaded it. Not many people actually needed a ten hour study video and even less would actually sit through the whole length of it. But it had been somewhat fun to do and Doyoung had managed to write almost half of one term paper during that seemingly never-ending study session he had recorded.

The number displayed under the video when Yuta clicked on it now showed 102 849 views.

“What the fuck”, Doyoung dropped his phone on the table when Yuta handed it back to him and instead just stared at his friend.

“I was wondering when you were finally going to swear. I almost scared Taeyong with the words I let out when I saw this earlier”, Yuta said jokingly but his shoulders were still tense where they touched Doyoung’s.

“Apparently some big Youtuber made a video on this one you uploaded and people now found it through him”, Yuta finally explained and Doyoung didn’t even have the mental capacity to ask how he had found any of this out.

“What do you mean by big Youtuber”, Doyoung signalled quotation marks with his hands around the word big. He was subscribed to most popular channels that would even remotely match the content of his own videos.

“Oh I don’t know… some guy who sings and does vlogs”, Yuta stalled answering the question properly, “with like over three million subscribers.”

The alarm Doyoung had saved on his phone to remind him of his next class went off at that moment and both of them jumped at the sudden sound. Doyoung quickly started putting his things into his bag and pushed the blueberry muffin over for Yuta to eat.

“Please don’t freak out now, okay? It’ll be fine”, Yuta said with the most reassuring tone he could muster and Doyoung had to admit he was lucky to have someone as kind and loyal as Yuta looking out for him. Even when he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud.

“I’m not freaking out. I’m going to class”, he countered instead and made sure the alarm on his phone was turned off properly. And if Yuta noticed that his hands were shaking while doing that, he didn’t mention it.

* * *

[Yuta 6.14pm]

_Have you watched the video yet??_

This was the third text of that sort Doyoung received from Yuta since they had met during lunch break. He closed the door to his apartment behind himself, took off his new pair of light grey sneakers and finally decided to text Yuta back once he settled on his tiny makeshift sofa.

[Doyoung 6.22pm]

_In case you forgot some of us are actually still busy with classes_

Sure, he was being a little petty about it but Yuta had already sent him the link to the dreaded video twice. That Doyoung had tried to watch it earlier with his headphones, hidden in a toilet cubicle and only failed because his internet data hadn’t been strong enough to play Youtube videos wasn’t something Yuta needed to know.

[Doyoung 6.23pm]

_… I’ll watch it now_

Doyoung gave in and sent the quick text as if it had been an afterthought. As if he hadn’t waited literally all day to be able to do this. Now that it came to it though, he wasn’t so sure anymore. The link the chat was staring back at him and it almost looked like the letters and numbers were swimming in his vision. It looked a little like they were dancing.

He blinked once and then again just for good measure. Maybe it had been due to the unavoidable anxiety that had plagued him all day but he reached out for his bag and took out his glasses anyway. They were round with thin black frames and Doyoung immediately felt slightly better with the familiar weight resting on his nose. Much to his relief, the words on his screen had stopped dancing too. He took one deep breath, convinced himself that he was being ridiculous over nothing and finally clicked on the Youtube link.

His phone opened the app and suddenly there was this guy’s face looking at him from the thumbnail of the video. A hint of recognition was trying to gain Doyoung’s attention but he was so distracted by all the information that was thrown at him all at once that he couldn’t pinpoint if he had already known this channel. The first thing he noticed was this: Although the guy on the thumbnail was pulling a face, one that was something between a smile and a pained grimace, he was incredibly handsome. Doyoung’s brain supplied something more along the lines of: Cute guy. Very cute guy.

When he regained somewhat of a sense over his own thoughts he scolded himself inwardly. He was trying to find out vital information about whatever and whoever had caused one of his videos to blow up in views. Focusing on a task at hand had always been one of Doyoung’s strong points and he was not going to lose control over this now.

Then his gaze landed on the title of the video: _Studying for 10 HOURS? ME?! - Let’s do the Do-Challenge_

So the video was definitely related to his own long study video, that much was obvious. For a second Doyoung considered if he should go grab a pen to take notes because he was already getting confused.

“What the hell is the Do-Challenge?”, he mumbled to himself and the frown on his face deepened as he scrolled to the description under the video.

Just as Yuta had said the subscriber count next to the name of the channel showed a small 3mio+ and although Doyoung thought he had been prepared for at least this one fact the reality of it only really hit him now. How anyone with that amount of subscribers had even found his channel, let alone decided to do a whole video on it, was so far beyond his understanding that he failed miserably at trying to make any sense of it. The rational part of himself was telling him that there had to be a reason for all this, that it might even be beneficial to him. The other part, the one he denied was in charge at most times, told him that this was a huge fucking mess.

_JustJaehyun._ That was the name of the channel and after the initial shock, Doyoung thought it actually sounded familiar. He supposed that although the Youtube algorithm mostly just provided him with recommendations similar to his own content, it was impossible to completely miss someone who was apparently doing so well for himself. The video Doyoung was looking at right now already had about five times the number of views he had ever dreamed of for one of his own. Maybe he was just being hesitant about actually watching the video and having to deal with his own involvement in all this, but he chose to click on the account name first to see what kind of content he could expect from it.

Not every thumbnail showed the face of the same guy, Doyoung assumed it was Jaehyun judging from the account’s name, but he was seen in every other post. The others showed different images varying from sunsets to a group of men in football jerseys depending on the type of video it was. There were these videos about sports, video games, a lot of vlogs and surprisingly even more song covers. Somehow even with those contrasting themes the colours of all thumbnails went well together and to Doyoung’s surprise, everything about it was pretty in one way or another. It should have looked messy but the channel as a whole seemed coherent, especially with the one person tying it all together. At least Doyoung understood the name of the channel now. All of this was really just Jaehyun.

As a result, he wasn’t surprised at all when he eventually clicked on the video he was meant to watch and the guy from the thumbnail introduced himself with the same name.

_“Hey guys! It’s Jaehyun and I am so happy to see you all again. Welcome back to the channel and most importantly… welcome to my most ambitious and honestly probably worst video ever.”_

Light brown hair was falling onto his forehead in long strands and the room in the background was blurred slightly so the viewer’s full attention was forced onto the man on screen. In this setting his sharp facial features stood out even more and the lights of his probably highly expensive equipment were reflecting in his warm brown eyes. His words however, got betrayed by his smile. It was wide and bright and disgustingly optimistic. For some reason it made Doyoung feel even more wary about the whole situation.

Not even the dimples on the stranger’s face could distract him from those feelings of impending disaster. Some might have called Doyoung pessimistic or even overdramatic but to himself his reaction seemed realistic and very much valid. It left no room for hope but also none for disappointment and that was what mattered most to him.

_“Maybe everyone should grab some snacks and cancel their plans for the day because believe me, this video is going to be a long one.”_

Doyoung tapped on the display of his phone once to pause the video and beneath it appeared the duration of it. While his own video had been a full ten hours, as it should be considering his goal with it, this one was about five hours long. And even though it was only half the length of Doyoung’s, he could tell from the other videos he had scrolled past that it was unlike anything else on this channel. The fact that he was somehow involved in this, that he might have even been the sole reason for it, wasn’t nearly as exciting for him as it was worrying.

When he continued the video, he got startled by his own channel showing up on screen momentarily.

_“Shoutout to this channel called ZelosDocument, he heavily inspired what I would like to call the Do-Challenge! Get it? Do from the username document and if I’m not wrong I think his actual name is something like Doyoung too. Anyway I thought maybe if I put the word Do in the name of the challenge some people might actually you know… do it too so I won’t be the only one suffering through this. I saw this video he did in which he studied for 10 hours straight and since he even showed the schedule he used to get through that I thought I should give it a go. I’ll be honest with you guys, going back to Uni might not have been my best idea ever so I actually really need this. So whether you’re struggling a little with your grades too or just want to see how ridiculous studying for 10 hours straight is, go ahead and try the Do-Challenge yourself!_

_Before you run off and do that though, leave a quick like on this video if you enjoy it, subscribe to the channel and let’s get into the video! Are you ready? Because I really think I’m not…”_

Doyoung’s hands worked as if on their own accord, tapping the screen rapidly to skip forward in the video with the faint hope that this wasn’t as bad as it sounded. It stopped on a frame of Jaehyun eating some noodles. Skipping forward again and Jaehyun was complaining straight into the camera that he was about five seconds away from giving up. He had the audacity to say that he couldn’t imagine anyone in their right mind would actually finish this challenge and that’s when Doyoung snapped. The thin thread that had been holding back his anxiety and anger finally ripped apart and Doyoung closed his eyes as if it had physically pained him.

A Youtuber, and not just any but one with an audience of over three million people, had taken hours out of his probably precious time to make fun of his content and consequently Doyoung himself. Hours after Yuta had told him about this the reality of it finally sunk in. He was completely and utterly screwed.

* * *

For the most part, his plan to act like none of this mess had ever happened was working perfectly fine. He went to class as usual, Yuta made him bring snacks over to the dance practice rooms on campus during his breaks and he even uploaded a video only a few days after his channel had suddenly gained a whole lot of unwanted attention. It had been a video showcasing sweaters his aunt had recently knitted for him and how he was trying to style them, an attempt at staying far away from any study related content with his videos for the time being.

Doyoung couldn’t tell if he was being paranoid or if those people who knew about his channel actually gave him curious looks when he walked around on school a few days after JustJaehyun, widely popular Youtuber and apparently idolized amateur singer, had picked him out from the anonymous mass on the platform for everyone to see. Usually Doyoung didn’t have a problem with being the centre of attention, but he learned now that being put in that situation by someone else wasn’t nearly as fun. Especially not by someone who until a few days ago probably didn’t even know he existed.

As he was walking to the bus station a hand on his shoulder suddenly demanded his attention. When he turned around, hands tensed into fists in case he needed to fight off any dangerous strangers, he came face to face with the captain of the basketball team.

“How’s it going, Doyoung?”, Johnny asked him with a bright smile like they had always been friends. Doyoung was sure he had never talked to this man more than twice and both times had been at parties, the music around them so loud that even then Doyoung hadn’t known what they were actually saying. A few days ago when Yuta had looked for him he barely even recognized the athlete.

“I heard what happened with JJ and you”, Johnny continued, like that explained anything about why he was suddenly talking to Doyoung with his hand still resting on his shoulder.

“Uhm… JJ?”, Doyoung repeated intelligently instead of a greeting. At least he was smiling at Johnny like this conversation wasn’t the weirdest thing that happened to him all day. Yuta always said he had a customer service smile without ever having worked in retail in his life. Maybe it was a relict of his time as student council president in highschool.

“JustJaehyun? I’m pretty sure he’s usually called JJ. I mean the video he did about your channel.”

“Oh, right”, Doyoung let out a nervous laugh. He should have known that sooner or later someone would talk to him about this. Not a lot of people at University knew about his channel and even less ever mentioned it to him. In fact, he had never shown his face in any of his videos. The viewers knew his name, maybe even the place where he studied if they could tell from his videos and got to know most parts of his life through his vlogs. His face however remained hidden even when more and more people had started to grow curious about what he looked like. It was always just out of frame, his body and life in front of the camera but his face out of sight.

Those who knew about his channel were either people he trusted or some who found out through his association with Yuta. His friend never told anyone but with his own Youtube channel that at least half of the student body was probably subscribed to it wasn’t that difficult to figure out the connection between their accounts. Yuta was somewhat of a local celebrity even after he had dropped out of school and this was just one of the risks that came with being his best friend. Doyoung still always thought it was worth it.

“It’s so cool that he found your channel!”, Johnny continued unpromted, “I’m really happy for you dude.”

And for a moment, Doyoung allowed himself to believe what he said. Maybe it was actually kind of cool that someone with such a huge audience had decided to share his content. Maybe he could find a reason to be happy about this too, especially if other people thought it would be good for him. Or perhaps he was just incredibly amused by the fact that Jaehyun was apparently known as JJ, which was about the dumbest and yet most obvious nickname to go for with his channel name. Either way, for the first time in days it didn’t feel like the ground was shaking beneath his feet. He could almost convince himself that his world wasn’t falling apart around him anymore.

How fragile his good mood and positive attitude was got proven within the same day. He was lying in bed, the blanket only half covered his body and he was distracted by his phone. Although Doyoung knew that staring at a bright screen before sleeping wasn’t exactly the best choice, as every other university student in the world he failed at following that piece of advice. Usually however, he was watching shows on Netflix or sometimes even did videocalls with his brother or Yuta if he had any energy left after studying and editing his videos. Tonight, he was distracted by something else.

The truth was, after he had logged into his Youtube account on his phone the day JustJaehyun had uploaded the video about him, he never signed out again. For over a week now the statistics for his channel, all comments and the recommended videos of a few smaller Youtubers who tried the Do-Challenge had been the first thing he saw every time he unlocked his phone. It was equally stressful and addictive. Yuta had told him not spend too much time looking at these things but as Doyoung himself had established, he wasn’t particularly good at following anyone’s advice. Even if he knew that they were undoubtedly right.

Wild ups and downs of his statistics were something he could deal with, they were just numbers that grew or fell and even though it was happening on a much different scale now, he was used to it. The one thing that bothered him was the comments that flooded his notifications and drowned out any and all of the people who he knew had previously always commented on his videos. Of course he didn’t know those subscribers personally but their presence had always been somewhat comforting and they reminded him of all the reasons why he loved to do what he did with his videos. Now they were nowhere to be found and it was more than just a little irritating.

So many of the people who had now found his channel were nice, kind and at most times supportive of his other content beside the now popular 10 hours study video too. Just as many however had come to mock him and the work he put into his channel. Doyoung could admit that a lot of the comments were actually funny, he still had his sense of humour after all, but some simply crossed the line. He’d always been aware of trolls on the internet, knew that he was putting himself out there with his Youtube channel, but he wasn’t prepared for how it felt to be on the receiving end of those attacks. Hundreds of people didn’t even try to mask their harassment as jokes, they were simply rude and downright malicious.

And worst of all, every type of comment on his videos these days revolved around JustJaehyun.

With a tired sigh Doyoung put his phone away and was suddenly surrounded by darkness when the screen got turned off. He struggled for a moment to cover himself with the blanket properly and dragged it up to his chin.

The loft space of his apartment had never felt too small or too crowded for Doyoung to sleep in. But that night he could feel the walls and ceiling close in on him.

* * *

The next time he was confronted with worries about his Youtube channel he was sitting at a small table inside the convenience store close to his apartment. The overhead lights had a cold blue tinge to them and the cashier kept sending him judging glances because he occupied one of the few tables near the entrance of the store alone. They weren’t actually meant for proper seating but over the years more and more people had started eating the food they bought right there after paying. Doyoung felt a gust of cold wind on his neck whenever someone opened the door to the street.

“You look terrible”, Doyoung looked up from his phone to lock eyes with the person who took a seat on the vacant stool next to him.

“Thanks Kun”, he replied with with an overly sweet smile and ignored the genuinely worried look on his friend’s face, “as always it is lovely to see you too.”

Doyoung and Kun were the same age and had taken some of their earlier classes as they overlapped between his Literature degree and Kun’s for Intercultural Communications. They had never really had a reason to talk, both preferred to keep to themselves and actually pay attention in class unlike most other students. Until it was pouring rain one day after their class and Kun offered to share his umbrella with Doyoung, despite them never having spoken a word to each other. That day Kun had walked him all the way to his room of on-campus housing and not a single drop of rain had touched his head.

“Seriously, are you okay?”, Kun asked sincerely now and Doyoung hated the way his brows furrowed with worry. While he knew that Kun was probably the kindest person he’d ever met and he didn’t mind taking care of his friends, Doyoung couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being a burden just by having his own worries so out in the open for everyone to read. Either that or Kun was really good at looking right through him. Doyoung liked to have fun with his friends, he wasn’t the loudest or most eccentric person in the world but there was nothing he loved more than making those he cared about laugh. And he hated that he was doing the complete opposite now.

“It’s just the same Youtube things”, Doyoung shrugged his shoulders as if he could shake off what was weighing them down these days.

“Didn’t you do something about those awful comments?”

“I did…”, and for a moment Doyoung considered lying, saying that he settled all the problems, but then he reminded himself that this was Kun. The one person who didn’t deserve to be lied to because he himself was always so ready to give his whole heart and truth. “I think I may have made things even worse.”

Doyoung unlocked his phone and slid it across the surface of the table that was covered with various stickers and promotional posters for events that had long passed. Before it could fall of the edge of the small table, Kun caught it like he had been waiting for Doyoung to pass it to him. Of course, he knew about everything that was going on with the channel and Doyoung was glad that he never needed to explain anything to Kun. Because at this point, he himself felt completely lost in this whole mess too.

Still, he held his breath when Kun went silent to read the community post that was opened on his phone.

_Hello to all the new people who have recently found this channel. I hope you’re all doing well and I honestly wish I could give every single one of you a warm welcome here without having to hold back. As it stands, I don’t really feel like I can do that though._

_While many of you have been very nice to me and kind about my content there is just too many people who think they have a right to make fun of me. Or even insult me for whatever reason… I don’t even know._

_So let’s make some things clear: I never asked for this channel to get exposed to this many new people at once. Actually I wasn’t even asked if I would be okay with that._

_If you’re here to enjoy my videos I appreciate you. Everyone else, remember to be nice or please just leave._

The comments under this post where even worse than those on some of his recent videos. Surely there were positive ones, and perhaps their order was just due to some weird Youtube algorithm, but Kun scrolled further and further down without finding anything nice some people might have had to say.

_Imagine being so ungrateful when someone gives your crappy channel free promo_

_Lmao dude’s already acting like fame got to his head_

_Shut the fuck up no one knew who you were before JJ mentioned you_

“You didn’t make anything worse”, Kun all but threw the phone back on the table and looked at Doyoung with an intensity that he rarely saw from his friend, “you hear me? You had every right to call these people out.”

The smile on Doyoung’s face was sad. He knew that for once Kun wasn’t right, but he appreciated that he was trying to make him feel better anyway. Even if he didn’t succeed this time.

“It’s fine Kun, I should have known better. It’s my own fault for trying to reason with fucking trolls.”

The cashier sent them their most disapproving look yet when Kun let out a frustrated sigh at that.

“Listen to me, none of this is your fault”, Kun spoke deliberately slowly like he was trying to explain something obvious to a clueless child, “It’s like you said. You didn’t ask for any of this so don’t ever think it’s your fault.”

And apparently Doyoung had needed to have it spelled out like this for him because he could finally feel things click back into place. Kun was right when he said he looked miserable because that’s what he actually was. The sleepless nights, the unwanted attention and the worry that he had been silently carrying around for days now.

It may have been Kun’s intention to cheer him up but instead different emotions flared up inside of Doyoung. Hot, scalding anger and acid bitterness spread through his body until they touched his heart and heated his face. He felt a little like he was suddenly coming down with a fever.

But the relief at his realisation was stronger: None of this was his fault. It was Jaehyun’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well thats it! i hope this first chapter could put a smile on someone's face  
> i feel bad its kinda angsty but i promise we're in for a lot of fluff down the line (i'm too soft for anything else)  
> if you have any thoughts at all about this pls let me know through comments or kudos! this chapter alone was quite some work and feedback is obviously the best motivation to continue
> 
> btw english isn't my first language so if you spot any mistakes or awkward wording feel free to let me know
> 
> (lastly, because some nctzens need to hear this: always hold your idols accountable when they are being blatantly ignorant or racist.)


	2. [two]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter after just 4-5 days? yeah i dont know how that happened either so we should enjoy it while it lasts
> 
> content warning // consumption of alcohol and some more swearing

Doyoung's arms were cold where his blanket didn't reach but he also couldn't bring himself to put his phone away and get under the covers properly. He was scrolling through his Youtube feed like he had been for the past hour and was about to click on the comments for his own account when Yuta's name suddenly appeared on screen and interrupted him. For a split second his finger hovered over the red button, it was late already so Yuta really shouldn't have expected him to pick up his call. But then again there was no point pretending he still had a well-balanced sleep schedule anyway.

Driven by the sudden worry that something might have happened for Yuta to call, he quickly pressed the green button instead.

"Why are you even still awake?", Yuta asked without a greeting and his voice sounded loud in the silence of Doyoung's apartment.

"You're the one calling at this time", Doyoung replied a little childishly but he couldn't bring himself to care, not when he was this tired, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you're not staying up all night reading through that tragic comment section on your channel."

Doyoung opened his mouth to say something, maybe to defend himself, but then closed it again when he realised that there was nothing he could say to deny the accusation.

"You know", Yuta continued when it became obvious that he'd been right, "I liked you better when you still followed your own rules."

"You never liked my rules. I'm pretty sure you made fun of them like last week."

"Well, now I think they're brilliant because you obviously need them to take care of yourself."

Yuta's remarks had been teasing so far but by the end of this sentence he simply sounded tired. There was no airy sound of laughter in his words and Doyoung already missed it.

"I'm sorry", Doyoung's voice sounded uncharacteristically small and he himself didn't even know what exactly he was apologizing for. He just hoped that it would soothe whatever tension had crept into their conversation.

Yuta always cared for the people around him, at times maybe even too much for his own good, and Doyoung never wanted to add on to his worries.

"Why don't you just log out of your account on your phone again, hm?", Yuta suggested, his tone lighter and more hopeful than it had been before. And Doyoung didn't want to disappoint him. For once he actually took the advice that he knew would be good for him too.

"Please don't make me do this again", Yuta said with a sense of finality when Doyoung promised he was signing out of his account as they were speaking, "I can't be the responsible one between the two of us.”

* * *

The weather was surprisingly nice for an evening in early October. It had started out dull and grey, but now that Doyoung stepped out of the bus the sun shone down on him through mostly cleared clouds. Something about it made him feel more optimistic than he had in weeks. Even before the whole debacle with his Youtube channel went down he had felt stressed and on edge, the start of a new semester always added onto the already high pressure he put on himself. Constantly having to worry about his channel on top of that hadn’t exactly soothed his mind either. He could never really decide whether he preferred the warm or cold seasons of the year, but in this moment the cold breeze that accompanied the sunlight felt invigorating. The stuffiness of hot summer air had finally passed and he could breathe a little easier.

“What’s taking you so long?”, Yuta complained when Doyoung didn’t immediately spot him at the bus station, “you told me you’d be here fifteen minutes ago.”

Really, Doyoung should’ve explained to him that the bus had been stuck in traffic on the way from his apartment further into the city. It was one of the disadvantages of renting out a place on his own. There was no way he could afford to live in the city centre or closer to the university’s campus.

“I’m sorry”, he apologized instead and Yuta eyed him suspiciously.

“Is everything alright?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Yuta put on the jacket he’d been carrying, turned to look at Doyoung one more time and started walking in the direction of the little park where they usually liked to spend their time.

“Shouldn’t you have like at least five reasons ready to explain yourself?”, he asked without making sure that Doyoung was following him, “you never just say sorry about anything.”

Supposedly, he was right. Doyoung wasn’t the type to just accept things, especially not Yuta’s teasing. But he was in a good mood today and chose to be exceptionally amicable for once. Before the traffic light could turn red Doyoung hurried to catch up with Yuta and they crossed the street side by side.

They set the camera Yuta had been carrying in his bag up in a quiet corner of the little park they had first found in their third semester, shortly before Yuta had dropped out of university. It was usually a busy place full of live but there were some paths that not as many people used. For a place that was hidden in the centre of the city it offered a surprisingly calm and quiet atmosphere. At least until Yuta put his phone on speaker and played a song so he could practice the dance routine he was currently learning for a new video. Doyoung turned the volume down when an elderly couple approached their spot under the trees. Then he pushed the record button on the camera.

“I love that I can just bring you guys out here with me while I practice”, Yuta said to the camera that he was holding in his hands now, the red light that showed it was recording still blinked red, “It’s nice to get out of the studio every once in a while.”

Doyoung had to hold back a laugh but didn’t say out loud that Yuta usually never complained about having to spend time at the dance studios. Really, any time he mentioned it at all he somehow always ended up talking about Taeyong or Winwin instead. But Doyoung wouldn’t be so cruel as to ruin the Vlog Yuta was trying to record now by exposing him like this. So he continued to stay silent and walked next to his friend with an unnaturally big distance, like he always did when the camera was recording.

The clouds overhead in the sky travelled fast that day and when the sunlight hit Doyoung’s face again, he smiled. It only took him one big step to stand next to Yuta, the smile still on his face and his eyes focused on the red blinking light of the camera.

“Apparently Doyoung feels like saying Hi to you guys today”, Yuta commented and it was impressive really, that he didn’t completely ruin his recording with his reaction to Doyoung’s sudden appearance. If anything only his brows furrowed slightly but when he turned to look back into the camera this hint of confusion was already gone again.

“Doyoung, dear”, he continued and his smile mirrored Doyoung’s infectious one, “are you sure you’re alright?”

Doyoung skipped a step so his would match Yuta’s perfectly and then put an arm around his friend’s shoulder as they continued walking.

“Honestly? I’m feeling better than ever.”

The sun that had given Doyoung so much optimism and warmth throughout the evening had set by the time he and Yuta left the restaurant where they had headed after their time in the park. He was feeling tired but content after the bowl of noodles he had just eaten and to his own surprise, his positive attitude hadn’t ebbed away with the last rays of sunlight.

“I’ll send you the video before I upload it so you can still always change your mind about this”, Yuta assured him and Doyoung couldn’t help but smile at his friend’s comforting tone. Yuta really must have thought he finally lost his mind. They had not only filmed together in the park but also inside the restaurant, shots of their food and snippets of their conversation. A full introduction of Doyoung and his channel was recorded inside the small but cozy restaurant too. Everything with a clear frontal view of Doyoung and his face in the frame.

“You don’t need to show it to me. I trust you”, Doyoung said and hurried before Yuta could interject again, “and yes I’m sure about it.”

Yuta zipped his jacket up against the cold autumn air that was getting less pleasant the later in the day it was. He looked like he didn’t believe a word that Doyoung was saying.

“That’s sweet and all but I’m still not letting you rush this.”

They said their goodbyes and Doyoung didn’t change his mind. Three days later Yuta uploaded a video with himself and Doyoung in the thumbnail, walking arm in arm beneath green trees and sunny skies.

* * *

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me”, Doyoung mumbled to himself but the girl who was sitting next to him in the library still looked up at his words. He sent her a quick apologetic smile and immediately returned his full attention back to the phone in his hands. For the past week or so he had followed Yuta’s advice and didn’t log back into his Youtube account on the device. He didn’t even check the comments on the video Yuta uploaded with him anymore, although it was more than tempting, unless he specifically chose to do so and took time for it at home.

Either way the video hadn’t given him many reasons to be worried, despite the fact that it had been the first time anyone on Youtube had seen his face. Maybe Yuta’s community was just much nicer than the one the JustJaehyun guy had brought to Doyoung’s channel but the comments under the video were mostly positive. A lot of Yuta’s regular viewers had already known that Doyoung was present for a lot of his videos anyway, he had just never shown his face to them.

During the week on campus he felt somewhat of a shift however, more people looking his way when he raised his hand to say something in class. Usually they couldn’t be bothered to act interested in what he had to say during the lessons. The weirdest part of it all had definitely been the post-graduate senior who came up to him one day to praise him for trying to motivate other students with his study videos. Later he’d laughed about it with Yuta but secretly he’d been quite proud of himself.

Revealing his face was something he’d always wanted to do anyway. There had just never been a moment when he thought it made sense or would work perfectly. Doing it through a video with Yuta gave it a casual or nonchalant flair, probably because it had actually just been a spur of the moment decision. Now, when he checked his Youtube channel late at night, at least the comments were about something he himself had determined and no one else.

All of these things considered, his confusion was understandable when he was trying to squeeze in a late study session in the library and his phone suddenly lit up with a flow of notifications. To add on to his confusion the app that now showed 99+ notifications was Twitter which he didn’t use nearly as much as his Youtube account or Instagram. He only had around 3000 followers and most of those he’d gained during the time when he’d been active on the book stan side of Twitter a few years ago. The link to his account could be found in the description under his videos but other than that there wasn’t much of a connection between his social media profiles. And even if there had been one, that wouldn’t explain the sudden and extreme influx of notifications either.

When he finally clicked on the app he realised that most of the attention came from one single tweet that mentioned him and now continuously got retweeted or quoted by other people. The tweet by the user _jjaehoney_ read:

_oMG guys!!! jaehyun just came out during his livestream aHHH he even mentioned @do0mind_

Embedded in the tweet was a video that showed Jaehyun sitting in the same room Doyoung had briefly seen in the hated Do-Challenge video. The post had already reached 16 000 likes.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me”, Doyoung repeated himself and this time he didn’t even care when the girl next to him nudged him with her elbow so he would finally be quiet.

This morning on the bus ride to school he had already realised that he forgot to bring his earphones with him. Back then he thought it was inconvenient and annoying but not much of a bother for just one day. Now he all but ran out of the library and onto the courtyard, his phone shaking in his hands with the same rhythm as his shaky breath. He closed his eyes, counted to ten in an effort to calm his breathing and then clicked on the video embedded in the tweet.

_“Have you seen Doyoung’s face reveal? The guy from the ZelosDocument channel?”, Jaehyun leaned closer to the screen and was apparently reading comments out loud. He was wearing big black headphones and the sound of some game could be heard playing in the background._

_“Oh, yeah I did”, he answered the question someone must have asked in the live chat, “a friend sent the video to me.”_

_His focus returned to the screen that was probably showing the game he was currently playing and for a few beats he didn’t say anything._

_Then he continued: “He’s cute, right? I mean Doyoung.”_

_For some reason there was a small smile on his face when he looked back at the live chat, but it fell when he read out the next comment that caught his attention._

_“That’s not a very straight thing to say.”_

_Jaehyun let out a laugh at that but it sounded nervous rather than playful._

_“C’mon guys”, he hesitated for a moment but then he smiled so blindingly that whatever weird expression he’d showed for a second was immediately forgotten, “when did I ever say that I’m straight?”_

By now Doyoung should have caught his breath after running out of the library but he was still gasping for air. He imagined this was what it felt like to get punched in the stomach. Not that he had much experience with that, he’d never been the confrontative type when it came to conflict. Sure, he like to discuss things when he could but he never actively sought out arguments or even fights. He knew that most times it would probably backfire and makes things even worse for himself. It was his instinct of self-preservation that usually held him back. But against everything, he clicked on Jaehyun’s Twitter profile and started typing anyway.

In most cases, famous people had one primary social media profile that garnered them the most attention and followers. Even if you were really successful on one platform that didn’t guarantee you any relevancy on others. Jaehyun, because apparently people praised him like some deity wherever he went, obviously had to be the exception to that rule. His twitter profile showed just as many followers as his Youtube account had subscribers. However, not even that intimidating number of people who could possibly see his own related post could stop Doyoung from doing this.

_Can you Please stop bringing me into every single thing you do. I don’t even know you? Why do you keep sending your fanclub or whatever after me??_

As expected, people found his post quickly after the viral Tweet that mentioned him and they weren’t very happy with his response. They weren’t happy about it at all.

“I still can’t believe so many people are calling you homophobic”, Yuta kept ranting as he had been doing for the past twenty minutes or so, “have they seen you? Have they ever seen a gay man?”

Kun, who was sitting next to him and Doyoung on the stairs to one of their campus’ buildings, stifled a laughed and quickly tried to cover it with a fake cough. His attempt failed miserably but Doyoung wasn’t mad at him either way. At this point he himself almost had to laugh about all the ridiculous things and accusations people were throwing at him online. Only almost though because some things people on the internet could say were actually unsettling. Some of them were downright scary.

“At least the guy who called you cute is good-looking”, Kun said and placed a comforting hand on Doyoung’s back.

“What the hell, Kun?”, Yuta sounded scandalised on Doyoung’s behalf.

“What? I’m trying to be a little positive here.”

“You’re doing a terrible job at it. I can’t believe Doyoung usually goes to you for advice.”

Kun already opened his mouth, probably ready to defend his honour as Doyoung’s most mature and most helpful friend. But they were interrupted by a shadow that suddenly cast over their faces. Standing before them now were Johnny, the captain of the basketball team, and someone who Doyoung knew as Ten. He studied the same degree as Kun and although Doyoung wasn’t particularly close with him he would say they were at least acquaintances.

“What’s up?”, Yuta said and stood up to give Johnny a hug, Doyoung faintly remembered that these two had shared the same dormitory building when Yuta had still been a student. Back then he’d only seen Johnny once and they coincidentally shared the elevator when he went to visit Yuta that one time.

“We wanted to talk to Doyoung for a moment”, Johnny explained and directed his smile at Doyoung who was still sitting on the cold stone stairs. Doing that probably wasn’t Doyoung’s best idea considering it was October, but Johnny didn’t fare much better. He was wearing a white padded jacket but his naked legs were showing where the shorts of his basketball uniform ended.

“Are you sure you’re not forcing him to be here?”, Kun directed his question at Ten and narrowed his eyes at him, “look at the poor guy. He must be freezing.”

“Excuse me?”, Ten said and put his arm around Johnny’s waist like that would keep him warm, “this was actually Johnny’s idea.”

“Then why are you here?”

“For moral support, obviously.”

This time Kun didn’t hold back his laugh and just for good measure he rolled his eyes at Ten’s antics too. These two were always bickering and sometimes Doyoung had a hard time trying to figure out whether they were really good friends or actually couldn’t stand each other.

Ten tightened his arm around Johnny, as if encouraging him to take the initiative again. His dark nail polish was a stark contrast against Johnny’s light jacket but his touch was soft.

As the captain of one of the school’s most promising sports teams and therefore naturally popular student Johnny never really seemed to struggle with leading conversations. For some reason however, he was hesitating now and Doyoung couldn’t help but be curious what this whole situation was actually about.

“We saw the thing about you and JJ online. I think there were even some articles written about it”, Johnny started to explain eventually and slowly but Doyoung’s curiosity dropped as soon as he heard the first sentence. Instead wariness crept into his expression and Johnny must have seen it too because he immediately backtracked on the things he’d been saying.

“We’re not here to be assholes about it!”, he assured quickly and Ten shuffled impossibly closer to him, “we’re also not trying to assume your sexuality, really it’s cool whatever you identify with. I don’t have anything against straight people either. We just thought since this is related to someone coming out we should say that we support you no matter what. And people who say you’re homophobic just don’t know you. I mean Yuta would never let you get away with that anyway.”

“That’s a fair point”, Yuta interjected Johnny’s rambling and all eyes turned to him, “what? He’s right.”

“Yeah”, Johnny agreed a little confused by the sudden show of support, “anyway, that’s all we wanted to say really.”

It was kind of adorable how he kept saying _we_ when he’d been the only one talking and Ten promised having this talk had been Johnny’s idea in the first place. Doyoung couldn’t even be upset anymore that this topic had been brought up again.

“Thanks. I appreciate that”, Doyoung said with a smile. On the one hand because he was genuinely grateful and on the other hand because Johnny was still shaking a little, either from the cold or nerves.

When the two who were still standing turned to leave Ten took Johnny’s hand and for a split second Doyoung wondered why exactly these two had come to talk to them together. Maybe he had missed something in this whole situation.

“Was that okay?”, Johnny asked and his voice was barely audible because they’d already walked a little further away from Doyoung and his friends. But even from that distance Doyoung could see the radiant smile on Ten’s face as he looked at the taller man walking next to him.

“You did amazing, babe”, Ten assured him and he wasn’t nearly as careful to keep his voice down.

“Oh”, Doyoung let out when the hints and puzzle pieces finally matched up inside his head. Evidently there had been something he missed about the constellation of this whole conversation they just had. Then he spoke up about the one thing that stuck with him from everything Johnny had told them: “Did he just say he doesn’t have anything against straight people?”

“Yeah”, Yuta sighed wistfully but somehow he sounded amused at the same time, “college is so much fun sometimes.”

Kun just looked at him like this comment was the oddest thing to come out of this already strange situation.

“You don’t even go here anymore. You literally dropped out of college.”

* * *

Doyoung liked to think he always learned from his mistakes. Of course, he didn’t like making them to begin with but in the rare cases where he did, he at least made sure he learned something from it. Not doing that would have been a waste of the pain that the previous mistake had already caused him. In the past weeks he’d already broken this rule he set for himself too.

He should have known better than to reply to his sudden involvement in JustJaehyun’s big coming out story because the community post he’d done after the Do-Challenge video had already been a mistake. It had done nothing but give strangers on the internet one more place to direct their hate at. His post on Twitter, in which he had foolishly mentioned Jaehyun’s profile, was basically just an iteration of the same thing. His resolve not to repeat the same mistake a third time stood strong, only until a certain account appeared in his Twitter direct messages.

[Jjeongjaehyun 5.47pm]

_Hello Doyoung. I am very sorry to bother you (again) but I thought it is only right that I finally reach out to you and try to communicate properly. I was wondering if you would agree for us to talk on the phone? I understand if you don’t want that of course.. I think it would be more sincere for me to apologize and explain myself not through text tho. Just in case here is my number: xx-xxxx-xxx-x_

_My manager says I need to ask you not to share that number with anyone but I feel like I’m gonna offend you with that (also again) so maybe just ignore this part I don’t really know what I’m doing here_

_For now please just know that I am very sorry for all the trouble I have caused you so far._

Doyoung stared at the message for a good minute. Then another one just to make sure he wasn’t hallucinating. Out of all the times this Jaehyun guy had mentioned him this was the first time that Doyoung was actually directly addressed. Not to mention that these were private messages, only meant for him and no one else to see. It felt strange somehow, like this was finally proof that he actually existed in some famous guy’s periphery and wasn’t just some fleeting thought that crossed his mind in videos and livestreams.

Doyoung knew that nothing good ever came out of replying to any situations that revolved around the JustJaehyun channel but he clicked on the number and saved it anyway. His curiosity got the best of him, despite the deep frown that he couldn’t shake from his own face. To say that he disliked this guy and everything that had come with his presence in Doyoung’s life would have been a misunderstanding.

For a moment Doyoung considered replying to the message first before he called so suddenly but then he changed his mind and clicked on the new contact on his phone right away. After all, no one had ever asked him beforehand if he was okay all these things either.

“Hello?”, a relatively deep voice answered the phone after it rang for just a few seconds and Doyoung felt acutely aware that he had gone into this without any plan whatsover, “who’s there?”

“It’s Doyoung. The name of my Youtube channel is ZelosDocument.”

It was simple enough but Doyoung felt worse than even during the introductory rounds in new classes at the beginning of each semester. This was by far the most awkward way he had ever introduced himself. These suspicions, that Doyoung was incapable of starting a conversation and had just majorly messed up in every way possible, were basically confirmed when the person on the other end of the line stayed silent for several second.

The was some shuffling heard in the background of the call and then a loud noise, as if someone had just dropped something.

“Sorry, yes of course! Hello Doyoung”, the voice finally continued speaking but Doyoung still worried that he might have called the wrong person. He didn’t remember Jaehyun’s voice sounding this deep in any of the short snippets he had seen from his videos.

“Sorry”, the man apologized again before Doyoung could even say anything, “I just woke up from a nap. I didn’t expect you to call so soon.”

At least it was confirmed now that Doyoung had called the right person, even though he didn’t really know what he was supposed to do with the information that this was how Jeong Jaehyun’s voice sounded right after he woke up. Briefly he wondered how many of the people who had harassed him over the past weeks would have probably killed to have the chance to hear this right now.

Doyoung however just felt mildly growing disdain at the guy’s words. Hearing about his peaceful nap just reminded Doyoung of all the sleepless nights he’d recently had because of him.

“That’s fine”, he lied through his teeth but couldn’t really hide the bitterness in his words, “I wanted to get this over with quickly.”

“Of course”, Jaehyun hurried to say, then he hesitated for a short moment, “I just… I wanted to apologize personally for this whole mess I caused in the past few weeks. I know this isn’t an excuse, and it isn’t meant to be one, but I didn’t see your response to the first video I did where I mentioned your channel until now. I genuinely didn’t know that I caused you and your channel so much trouble with that video and I can only repeat how sorry I am about that.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you uploaded it without even asking if I’m okay with it”, Doyoung was speaking more like he would have in an argument with one of his friends than some stranger who had millions of followers on the internet. Then again, disliking someone usually made anyone lose their inhibitions.

“You’re right”, Jaehyun quickly agreed again and Doyoung was starting to hate how accommodating this man was trying to sound, “I always thought my community was really nice and kind but that is obviously not the case. Honestly sometimes I don’t even realise how much influence what I say and do can have over some subscribers. And I am so sorry they took that out on you. I didn’t consider any of this when it was really my responsibility.”

All Doyoung heard in this was: “Sorry that I’m so famous. I decided to be a complete dick about it because I don’t think about anyone else but myself.” It basically paraphrased what Jaehyun had just said. Although he couldn’t tell whether Jaehyun was deliberately pretending to be humble or if he was actually this naïve.

“It’s whatever”, Doyoung said but then realised he didn’t feel content at all with acting so nonchalant, “I accept your apology but don’t expect me to forgive you.”

“That’s alright, thank you for listening to me in the first place. You didn’t even have to do that after how I treated you”, Jaehyun actually sounded sincere at this point but then his voice trailed off, like he wasn’t really sure how to continue. Doyoung didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of breaking the awkward but loaded silence so he refused to speak up too.

“I also wanted to apologize for bringing you into my weird spontaneous coming out”, Jaehyun continued eventually and his voice was starting to lose some of its sleepy roughness, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with my comments. I only realised that after I saw the post you mentioned me in.”

Stuck between a laugh and an outraged noise of complaint, Doyoung let out a somewhat strangled sound. How absolutely everyone had completely missed the point of his reply to that situation was ridiculous and frankly more than a little insulting.

“You think I got mad because you called me cute once?”, Doyoung crossed one of his arms across his chest although no none would be able to see it, “You think I was being some homophobic asshole? No, my point is that every time you mention me some of your freaky fans come to spam my comment section or start insulting me.”

“I wouldn’t just assume someone is homophobic but I guess it’s easy to get a little defensive when it comes to these things. So you really weren’t mad when I said that?”

“Of course not.”  
  


“Okay, cool.”

“Yeah.”

Somehow they had gone from Doyoung almost rage quitting this phone call to another very awkward silence in a matter of seconds. This was officially the worst conversation Doyoung had had in at least the last five years.

“Do you… want me to make a public apology on Twitter or Youtube too?”, Jaehyun asked a little tentatively, perhaps intimidated by Doyoung’s earlier outburst.

“Tell me Jeong Jaehyun”, Doyoung said slowly and clearly, “what part about ‘every time you mention me things get significantly worse’ did you not understand?”

“Alright, I got it.”

“Can you do me a different favour instead?”, Doyoung asked and took one deep breath, “can you please just never talk about me or message ever again?”

It was quiet at the other end of the line for a heartbeat but then Jaehyun seemed to have made up his mind. Doyoung thought agreeing to this was the least he could do.

“Okay. I promise.”

* * *

Doyoung was still exhausted from his phone call with Jaehyun when Yuta called him. No one needed to spend this much time on their phone but he knew that Yuta was only trying to look after him. He also didn’t probe when Doyoung just quickly mentioned the conversation with Jaehyun without any further explanation and Doyoung was grateful for that. In fact, they weren’t even really talking on the phone at all. About fifteen minutes ago Doyoung had put it in speaker so he could get some food ready for a simple dinner at the same time but neither of them felt the need to fill the silence.

It felt comfortable and familiar. Really, it was the complete opposite of the tense silence he had unwillingly shared with Jaehyun earlier that day.

“By the way”, Yuta said after another few minutes passed and Doyoung grabbed some chopsticks for the instant noodles he’d cooked, “Johnny invited us to a party at his place. It’s this weekend already.”

Not for the first time Doyoung wondered when he had become friends with Johnny because the other surely treated him like one. Doyoung could be found at some parties from time to time but he had never really been personally invited to any of them. Especially not by someone as popular as Johnny.

“He said you can bring some friends but Kun already got invited and I’m not sure you actually have any other friends”, Yuta teased him, although his tone was completely deadpan. Doyoung had gotten used to this a long time ago.

“I always have to deal with you I don’t think I need any more”, he had intended to return the teasing remark but instead it had sounded rather sweet. There was some truth behind it after all.

“Hey, how about you bring that kid you’re tutoring? What’s his name again… Donghyuck, right?”

“Oh my god, Yuta. I’m not inviting a highschool kid to a college party I will find some more friends eventually.”

The noodles on his plate had gone cold by the time he started eating and Yuta finally ended the call, only after Doyoung had complained lengthily about Donghyuck’s lack of discipline during their lessons.

Johnny was renting out a small house with a bunch of other students from their university but Doyoung had never been there before. Yuta on the other hand led him down the street with determined steps until they came to a halt in front of the house. Clearly Yuta had been there before but maybe Doyoung could have even found it without his friend’s help. It was the only house in a suburban looking street that had neon green light shining through its windows. For some reason it was a comforting thought that not even star athlete Johnny Suh and his friends could afford to rent a house closer to the university’s campus. It made him feel slightly less out of place.

“You’re here!”, it was Ten who opened the door for them although Doyoung was pretty sure he didn’t actually live there. The way he said those simple words was overly enthusiastic and he was carrying some kind of paper cup in his right hand. His other arm was slung over the shoulders of an already very tired looking Kun.

“Look, Kun! Our friends are here! I love having my friends around”, he squished Kun’s cheeks as best as possible with just one free hand and Yuta only managed to step inside once Kun pushed the door open a little wider with his foot.

“Johnny!”, Ten said even louder this time when the taller man tried to sneak behind them through the dimly lit corridor, “Yuta and Doyoung are here! Don’t you just love seeing your friends?”

“Sure, baby”, he agreed with Ten and smiled at everyone, including Doyoung who was still standing around the entrance awkwardly. There had definitely been something alcoholic in Johnny’s drink too because he hadn’t talked like this the last time Doyoung saw him and Ten together a few days ago.

“Can you please stop flirting and just get your boyfriend off of me?”, Kun sounded like he was about ready to leave this party and it was only half past 11pm.

The party went as most of these types of gatherings passed. Loud, with many different drinks and even more different people. Doyoung wasn’t really one to dance anyway so he stuck to the kitchen and the seemingly endless supply of drinks it offered. It hadn’t really been his plan to get full on drunk that night but the stress of the week was starting to catch up on him and he had lost sight of his friends about an hour ago. There wasn’t a terrible amount of people at the house but it was enough for the air around them to turn stuffy and hot even with cold October air streaming in through open windows.

For a moment Yuta poked his head inside the kitchen and locked his eyes with Doyoung’s.

“You know I was joking when I said you should invite Donghyuck”, he all but shouted over the music that blared from inside the living room. He went over to where Doyoung was standing by the window but he swayed a little on his feet.

“Obviously”, Doyoung said and offered his hand for Yuta to take, “why would I bring him here?”

“Really? Then why is he outside flirting with Johnny’s little brother Mark?”, Yuta pointed past Doyoung’s shoulder, through the window and out onto the porch in front of the house. Where a boy who Doyoung assumed was Johnny’s brother Mark was cradling Lee Donghyuck’s head in his lap. Doyoung’s usually repressed motherly instincts kicked in immediately but it didn’t seem like the boys had any alcohol with them so he forced himself to relax again. The two were just sitting out there, looking up into the night sky. They didn’t really participate in the party and while that was less worrying, it didn’t calm Doyoung’s confusion in the slightest. He couldn’t ask Yuta about it either because when he turned around again his friend had already gotten lost again in the everchanging group of people surrounding him.

A few hours passed without much happening that Doyoung deemed worthy to remember the next day. Johnny had at one point carried a sleeping Ten around the house and into his bedroom which earned them a few curious glances but if anything Johnny had looked worried, his gaze soft and never leaving Ten’s face even when he was trying to concentrate on taking the stairs while carrying a full grown man in his arms.

Doyoung was still stuck to his corner of the kitchen, the only difference was that a group of girls he had never seen before in his life had joined him. They kept handing him new drinks even before his ran out and he kept drinking them because he simply didn’t have anything better to do. While Doyoung could enjoy a drink or two every once in a while this wasn’t how nights like this usually went for him. He was aware of that, it registered even in his alcohol induced mind, but he forced those thoughts back down with every swig of the drinks he took.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him when the girls around him started talking about JustJaehyun by the time they handed him the fifth or sixth cup. He himself had never really been self-conscious or insecure about the way he looked but he just wasn’t the kind of person that usually attracted the attention of a bunch of strangers at a party. When he’d mentioned it to Kun once he had started rambling something about his aura and Doyoung had consequently given up trying to find an explanation for it. He didn’t really mind it either. It was just strange to see it change so abruptly now that he had shown his face on the internet and some successful but arrogant Youtuber had possibly mocked him publicly. Even now Doyoung wasn’t sure that the time Jaehyun had complimented him during his livestream hadn’t been another way to make fun of him too.

The black haired girl that was standing closest to Doyoung handed him another drink but he pushed it away resolutely. Something about the way these strangers had reminded him about Jeong Jaehyun had cleared his mind enough for him to at least ask himself what the hell he was doing right now.

He dialed the number and pressed the phone to his ear before his slow drunken mind could catch up with his own actions. The freezing air felt even colder against his heated cheeks and he only realised now that he had walked out onto the balcony without grabbing his jacket.

“Doyoung?”, the voice sounded far far away and Doyoung noticed belatedly that he was holding his phone upside down.

“Doyoung, is everything alright?”, the voice repeated and it felt weird to hear his name again from the man who had just two days ago promised would never say it again.

“Everything’s perfect”, Doyoung tried to sound hyper and excited but his words slurred unintentionally and he already dropped his act by the second word. “I was just hanging out with some of your fans. They told me to say Hi from them the next time I talk to you. So of course I couldn’t disappoint them. Not after all your fans have been so nice to me lately.”

This was about as much as he managed to say before a hiccup interrupted him.

“They were so nice… really nice…”, at this point Doyoung was far too gone to try and hide the bitterness he felt, “It’s really fun to just get insulted constantly for no fucking reason.”

“Doyoung…”, Jaehyun repeated and Doyoung wanted to cover his ears but couldn’t figure out how because one of his hands was still pressing the phone against his ear, “I’m so sorry you got hurt like this. Believe me if I could go back and do everything differently I would.”

“No, fuck you”, Doyoung said and he managed to say those words loud and clear, like he had practiced them over and over in his head, “you don’t get to want to turn back time. I spent weeks worrying about this. I did… I didn’t even sleep.”

“I’m so so-“

Doyoung cut his words off before he could hear the same empty apology again. “God. Can you believe they called me homophobic? Me? That was the best part.” There was no stopping him in his rant anymore and apparently Jaehyun realised that too because he went quiet until Doyoung would stop talking on his own accord.

“You think you’re so great with your pretty face and your… stupid dimples. Think you’re so perfect because you can sing and… people won’t hate you for coming out. Because you’re just - Jaehyun.”

“I understand that you’re upset and you can be mad at me”, Jaehyun raised his voice again eventually when Doyoung’s slurred words became unintelligible, “but you’re clearly drunk. Are you with your friends? Is there anyone else you could call? I can call you a taxi too if you want.”

“You know… I didn’t realise the balcony was actually this high”, Doyoung mumbled absentmindedly as he looked down over the railing. The darkness and his blurry vision made the porch he had seen earlier look like a black bottomless pit.

There was a loud crash when the door to the balcony got pushed open with more force than necessary and a small group of people stepped outside. The phone Doyoung dropped at the sudden sound skidded across the tiles and stopped just barely at the edge of the balcony.

“What are you doing out here?”, someone whose voice sounded freakishly similar to Yuta’s said, “Winwin, please do me a favour and go find Kun inside.”

Someone else grabbed onto Doyoung’s arm and carefully guided him away from the railing. Doyoung recognized the tuft of white hair after he blinked twice.

“Oh, Taeyong!”, Doyoung exclaimed and smiled like this revelation was the best thing to happen to him all night, “you’re so pretty… Hmm - I get why Yuta has a crush on you.”

“Okay, that’s enough. We’re getting him out of here right now.”

There was a flurry of colours, some hectic movement, a ride in someone’s car and a lot of words that Doyoung didn’t remember when he finally fell back into a bed. The pillow smelled familiar, like the green tea shampoo Kun liked to use, and the smell only intensified when someone tucked a blanket up to his chin.

Doyoung wouldn’t know who had picked up his phone on the balcony at Johnny’s house but it was lying on a nightstand next to him now. The screen lit up with the preview of three unread messages when he was already fast asleep.

[JustJaehyun 3.27am]

_I know I’m breaking my promise with this and I know you hate me_

_It’s understandable that you do… you can block my number afterwards_

_But when you read this please just let me know if you're okay_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lets play a game of how many side couples can i put into this without actually developing them: so far we're at 4 i think  
> seriously tho this was fun to write, eventho i was kinda scared of writing the first interaction between our main characters, so i hope someone out there enjoys reading it  
> kudos and comments keep me going so just a simple "hey i read this too" would already help me more than you can imagine  
> to anyone who made it this far: i appreciate u and i hope you're having a great day/night!
> 
> (also i get confused between the romanization for Jaehyun's last name so i just went with the one he uses for his actual social media accounts)  
> ((its almost 3am and i've been writing this for literally 12 hours straight so if u spot any mistakes pls let me know so i can fix them))


	3. [three]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> merry (early) christmas everyone!! here's a little present from me to all of you  
> those of u who dont celebrate christmas can just see this as a parting gift for 2020! because i'm honestly so ready to be done with this year  
> (i cant believe I wrote this when I should've been making christmas presents for my family.. if they get upset at me that's totally on you guys /j)

His head was pounding with an incoming headache when he woke up. The room around him was dark although the blinds on the window hadn’t been shut. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts but when someone moved next to him the events of the night finally came back to him. Kun was sleeping next to him in the bed that was probably too small for two grown men. But his sleeping presence was somehow comforting when Doyoung suddenly found himself confronted with his own recent actions. He almost wished the alcohol had wiped all memories from this night.

His eyes were starting to get used to the darkness and some things in the room slowly took shape. Someone, most likely Kun, had placed a glass of water on the nightstand next to the bed and Doyoung grabbed it eagerly. His throat felt dry and tight, it hurt a little but he supposed he deserved that after the nasty words that had left it earlier. When he put the empty glass back down and picked up his phone instead, he realised that he hadn’t been asleep for more than a few hours. Beneath the time display it showed three unread messages from the contact JustJaehyun.

Doyoung sighed loudly and was about to let out a string of swear words when Kun stirred next to him. Careful not to wake his friend Doyoung quickly closed his mouth again and didn’t push Kun away when he clung to his side.

He read the messages two more times before he decided to type a short _I’m fine_ and hit send. He never ended up blocking Jaehyun’s number.

* * *

Doyoung had hoped he didn’t have to walk down this street again for a long time. It didn’t exactly bring back the best memories. At least a break of like two weeks would have been nice before he needed to be confronted with his own past behaviour. But it was just his luck that Donghyuck lived in the same area as Johnny Suh.

When Doyoung walked down the street and past Johnny’s house, a place haunted by Doyoung’s very own bad memories and regrets, he resolutely kept his gaze facing forward. He quickened his pace too, just in case Johnny and Ten would be sitting on their front porch like the old married couple they seemed to be lately. The relief he felt when he reached Donghyuck’s home was probably greater than it should have been.

“Why do you look so happy to see me?”, Donghyuck asked when they sat down at the table in the living room where his history and biology books were already laid out. The look he gave Doyoung was clearly one of distrust and suspicion. For once their roles were reversed, usually Doyoung was the one who couldn’t trust a single word that left Donghyuck’s mouth.

“I’m just excited to be studying with you again”, Doyoung said sarcastically and then turned serious so Donghyuck would understand the gravity of the situation he had just been put through, “but next time we do our lesson on campus again. Or at a café or something.”

“If you pay for my drink when we do it at a café”, Donghyuck shrugged his shoulders at their loose agreement. He didn’t seem to grasp how serious Doyoung was about never setting foot on this street again.

They studied for about an hour until Donghyuck’s mother brought them some freshly baked goods and Doyoung was reminded that there still were some nice people in this world after all. As the tutor and teacher figure in this situation Doyoung should have been the one to remind them of their study goals for the day but he couldn’t force himself to deny them of a little break.

“So… you’re pretty close with Johnny’s little brother, huh?”, Doyoung asked casually after he took a bite of the still warm cookies. Donghyuck looked confused for a moment, then he crossed his arms across his chest when he realised who Doyoung was talking about.

“You mean Mark? Yeah, we’re in the same class and we live close to each other”, Donghyuck tried to act nonchalant but his usual straightforward attitude crumbled a little when he played with a piece of his cookie nervously.

“I hope he’s not a bad influence. I mean I saw you at Johnny’s party last week”, Doyoung continued, “or maybe I should be more worried about your impact on him.”

Donghyuck looked at him like this was the worst accusation he had ever faced in his young life.

  
“Mark doesn’t live with his brother. They just rented another house in the same street”, he explained and tightened his arms across his chest defensively, “and we were only there to pick something up that Mark left there.”

“At midnight?”, Doyoung questioned again and by now Donghyuck’s cheeks were a bright red.

“Alright, fine. I was sleeping over at Mark’s last Friday. Are you happy now?”, Donghyuck raised his voice and there was no way his mother in the kitchen next door could still think they were studying, “I know your own love life is basically nonexistent but you really shouldn’t be this interested in mine.”

“Ouch”, Doyoung rubbed his hand over his chest where his heart was like Donghyuck’s words had actually hurt. Maybe they did, just a little bit. Then again Donghyuck wasn’t really wrong. “Okay, I’m sorry for being nosy.”

Donghyuck refused to grace him with a reply and instead just took a big bite out of the cookie he was holding. Sometimes the smallest things reminded Doyoung of how young this boy actually still was. It made him feel a little old but he smiled anyway.

“I’m just saying, if he ever hurts you I won’t go easy on him.”

“Funny, that’s exactly what Johnny said to me too”, Donghyuck said and there it was again, the mischief glinting in his eyes, “I didn’t know you think of me as a little brother.”

Donghyuck leaned forward and blinked at Doyoung excessively. He was trying to look overly cute because he knew that Doyoung couldn’t stand it.

“I’m never being nice to you again.”

The laugh that rang through the living room was loud and obnoxious but Doyoung wouldn’t have had it any other way. Donghyuck knew he had won this round of whatever unspoken game they always played with their banter and if it made him this happy Doyoung couldn’t even be upset when he lost.

“Okay, break’s over”, Doyoung said without speaking any of his thoughts out loud, he still needed to regain some of his authority. To his surprise Donghyuck actually opened up his history book again where they had left off and didn’t even complain once. There was a small smile on his face, although barely visible because Donghyuck almost literally buried his nose in the book. Maybe this Mark guy didn’t have the worst influence on him.

Doyoung used the rare moment of Donghyuck fully concentrating on his studies for once to quickly check his phone. He usually kept it on silent mode during their lessons but there was no harm in giving it a glance while Donghyuck was busy anyway. Or it should’ve been a short glance if he hadn’t gotten distracted by the e-mail notification that appeared when he unlocked the device. As any person with way too many online subscriptions and website accounts should, on his phone he only received those sent to his personal e-mail address. All others, and mostly junk mail, were left unopened on some second e-mail account that he’d set up in middle school so his parents wouldn’t find out when he secretly signed up for social media. Driven by equal parts curiosity and confusion, he clicked on the notification.

The subject was: _Invitation to KEYLINE’s Soiree – Sponsorship Offer_

Only then did Doyoung remember that his so-called work e-mails also got automatically forwarded to his phone. The address for a mail like this could only be found in the About section of his Youtube channel and it only existed at all because Yuta had insisted that Doyoung needed a professional way to be reached when he hit just 5 thousand subscribers. Naturally, no one ever actually used it to send him anything. The few sponsored videos he had done in the past were all agreed upon through Instagram because they had mainly been with relatively small business owners. Whoever was responsible for this _Keyline_ company must have actively sought him out.

“Hey”, Donghyuck said and threw a small crumb of a cookie at Doyoung when he didn’t immediately raise his head, “I almost forgot Jeno told me he wants an autograph from JustJaehyun if you ever meet him.”

Doyoung just stared at him for a moment. On the one hand, he had promised himself and the whole universe that he would never, under any circumstances, talk to Jeong Jaehyun ever again. Just the thought of that was unimaginable, even more so after he had humiliated himself with that regrettable drunk phone call. It wasn’t the things he said that he regretted but the way he had delivered them. There were more graceful methods to get his point across than to drunkenly call someone and curse at them. Doyoung thought he had hurt his own pride with that more than he probably had hurt Jaehyun.

On the other hand, there wasn’t really anything Doyoung wouldn’t do for Lee Jeno. Sweet, kind Jeno who seemed even more angelic when compared to Donghyuck. Doyoung had taken Donghyuck and his friends out to a roller skate rink once when they all passed a particularly difficult exam and Jeno had been the only one who actually listened to him, a pure soul amongst otherwise potential delinquents.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do”, Doyoung almost wanted to take those words back as soon as he said them.

“Really?”, Donghyuck sounded genuinely surprised, “why do you only ever agree when Jeno wants something…”

“Because I love him and he’s never done anything wrong in his life”, Doyoung was exaggerating but Donghyuck pouted anyway, “now stop sulking and let’s go back to studying. I’m sure Mark gives you enough compliments for the both of us.”

Donghyuck’s mother had split the cookies she brought in onto two small plates, three big cookies on each for the both of them. The plate that stood closest to Donghyuck had been empty barely five minutes into their break. Doyoung pushed his own, that still held one last cookie, across the table and closer to Donghyuck wordlessly.

* * *

“Are you seriously reading that text for your class now?”, Yuta asked incredulously as he put the can of hairspray down, the tin sounding loud against Doyoung’s kitchen countertop, “we have to leave in less than an hour.”

Yuta was standing in the entrance of Doyoung’s apartment which also kind of served as his kitchen space because that’s where the slim but full length mirror was put up on the wall. He was almost done with his makeup and hair but was still wearing sweatpants. Doyoung didn’t even question his priorities anymore, Yuta had already explained that unlike shirts it was still always possible to change his pants after putting effort into hair and makeup. Taeyong reached for the hairspray again and smoothed down a stray hair on Yuta’s head carefully.

Doyoung was used to most of Yuta’s antics but he’d been a little surprised when his friend had showed up at his apartment not alone but with Taeyong, who stood behind him smiling brightly when Doyoung had opened the door.

“Taeyong usually helps me get ready when I shoot special videos or go to some event”, Yuta explained and that was all that needed to be said. Taeyong fit into Doyoung’s apartment and their usually tightknit routines surprisingly well.

“I have to write an essay about this by friday”, Doyoung justified his own behaviour and didn’t look up from the text he had printed out, “I don’t think my professors would understand if I said I was too busy with a sponsorship meeting.”

The words still felt foreign to him, the concept of having an actually successful sponsor far far beyond anything he had ever even considered thinking about. After his tutoring lesson with Donghyuck a few days ago it turned out that Yuta had received the exact same e-mail from _Keyline_ as Doyoung. The difference was that Yuta actually knew the brand and explained that they mostly sold clothes that were in the mid-range between affordable and too pricy. Their work and production ethics were claimed as the main reason for their above average prices and while Doyoung believed that and thought it was worth it, he obviously wasn’t their target group. Even if the average university student could afford to buy from the brand anyone wearing their clothes on campus would’ve stood out considerably.

In the past some of Yuta’s videos had already been sponsored by _Keyline_ , dressing him in flashy outfits and expensive street wear for particular dance covers. But even he admitted that he had never been invited to an event by them. Doyoung was infinitely grateful that he wouldn’t have to attend this one alone either.

“Let him do his work”, Taeyong scolded Yuta and Doyoung liked having him around more with every passing second, “he’s already dressed anyway. It’ll be fine.”

Doyoung had opted for a simple outfit in the hopes that it would make him feel somewhat more comfortable at the upcoming event. He was wearing a black turtleneck that he knew looked good on him and a pair of light blue jeans. For this special occasion he had even made the forty-five minutes train ride to his brother’s house and borrowed a pair of sleek black shoes. When he would grab his black long coat on the way out later no one needed to know that this was the only weather appropriate jacket he owned anyway.

Half an hour later Yuta ended up wearing some kind of red silk shirt and baggy ripped jeans, which should have been an odd combination but he somehow made it work. His dark hair was half tied up into a tiny ponytail and Doyoung couldn’t for the life of him understand why such a simple hairdo demanded for such an excessive amount of hairspray. In comparison Doyoung’s outift was almost boring but he knew how to make his own features stand out with it, although Taeyong still asked to put some highlighter on his cheekbones until he gave in eventually.

The soiree, as the event had been called in the invitation, took place in the type of old warehouse turned expensive restaurant that seemed to appear in every influencer’s videos and posts these days. As much as Doyoung liked the aesthetic of the place, it didn’t really help him to fit in and blend into the background. Everything and everyone was trying to stand out and Doyoung felt slightly overwhelmed by it. Some women who entered the building right before him and Yuta were wearing expensive looking dresses which were so long that the train of them swept over the concrete flooring.

A few minutes after they had entered a big room with more bar tables than necessary someone approached them with a warm, welcoming smile. And Doyoung was surprised that he actually knew the man. Or better, he knew of him.

Choi Minho had been one of the first really successful content creators on Youtube when the video platform was not more than a few years old. He used to do a variety of videos, from dancing to the kind of comedic skits that were so incredibly popular during Youtube’s earlier days. It had been multiple years since he had closed his various channels and took on a different path in life. Doyoung didn’t even know what he had been up to in the past years. And although Doyoung hadn’t really been a fan of Choi Minho in the past like almost everyone else his age had been, he was a pioneer in their field that anyone would have respected. It was surreal to even just see this man walk towards him now.

“Nice to meet you, Yuta! I love your videos, especially the freestyle dance stuff you do sometimes”, he greeted them and even Yuta looked a little starstruck although he recovered quickly from that, “my name is Choi Minho. I’m so glad my husband decided to invite some more content creators to this year’s soiree.”

Then he turned to Doyoung, like there was any reason in this world Choi Minho should have been talking to some random struggling university student: “You must be Kim Doyoung I suppose? I saw your channel appear in some articles lately and it was about time we expanded our connections past the same target audience as always. Your channel and you are very intriguing. I hope you enjoy your evening and consider working with us in the future.”

Doyoung just had to reevaluate the textbook definition of charisma, because whatever it said there didn’t come close to the confidence and yet easy-going energy Choi Minho exuded. Within only a few seconds he’d gone from simply greeting them to possibly securing a business deal, all while making his guests feel welcomed and comfortable. At this point Doyoung would have been ready to agree to anything Minho said.

Instead, he himself only managed to say a short: “Of course, thank you. It’s nice to meet you too.”

“You know, actually my husband is the host of this event. He’s the CEO of _Keyline_ ”, Minho went on to explain and looked around the huge room, “he should be around here somewhere.”

Just as he said those words their attention got caught by someone whose voice could be heard over everyone else’s conversation and the clinking of champagne glasses. Not only his voice stood out but also his hair which was a short buzzcut, dyed in multiple pastel colours.

“Jungwoo!”, the man in question exclaimed and hugged someone who had just entered the room and was still standing by the entrance. The other man looked younger than him, his hair wasn’t nearly as unique with its light brown colour and soft waves but the wide smile on his face made up for all of that.

“Dude, that’s Kim Jungwoo”, Yuta whispered in Doyoung’s ear when he spotted him too, “he usually does eating shows on his channel. Remember I showed you that one video where his cheese fountain basically exploded?”

Now that Yuta mentioned it, he actually did remember looking at Jungwoo’s channel before. While Yuta’s had made it past the mark of 400 000 subscribers and continued to grow, Jungwoo had at least double the number of followers on his channel. When Doyoung saw him now he didn’t look at all like someone who filmed himself eating for a living, he resembled a fashion magazine model more than anything. Then again, that was probably the unexpected charm that guaranteed his success.

“Ah right”, Minho said and pointed at the older man that had caught their attention, his voice had taken on somewhat of a resigned tone, “that’s my husband.”

As if the man had heard his husband say his name he turned around and spotted Minho, who gestured for him to come over and join them. Jungwoo linked his arm with him and they set out towards the bar table that they’d gathered around. But as soon as they took the first step in their direction another figure demanded Doyoung’s attention, someone who had been hidden from their sight where he was standing next to Jungwoo. Across the room Doyoung’s gaze fell on Jeong Jaehyun, whose step faltered almost unnoticeably when their eyes met. But Doyoung noticed it, because he was staring at him like he had never seen another human being before in his life.

Jaehyun was wearing black jeans with boots of the same colour and an embroidered suit jacket, which was obviously the highlight of his outfit. Unlike the few video clips Doyoung had seen, his light brown hair was styled up to reveal his forehead and accentuate his facial features. He looked good, really really good and Doyoung hated him a little more because of it.

When the three men met up with Minho Jaehyun smiled at him and his rarely hidden dimples deepened distinctly. Doyoung was grateful that he’d refused the champagne flutes being passed around earlier because he already felt like the ground was swaying beneath his feet. Maybe he had caught some kind of old recently and wasn’t feeling well. Maybe he shouldn’t have come to this event in the first place.

“I see you’ve already found your Youtube kids”, the man with the short pastel hair said to Minho and then turned to Yuta and Doyoung, “I’m Kibum by the way. I hope you enjoy your time here tonight.”

Although his words were almost identical to Minho’s, and they had probably said the exact same thing to every guest they greeted that night, he sounded genuine and sincere. It was only somewhat disorienting that he had called them kids when he and Minho didn’t look much older than them. Doyoung would have thought more of it, and probably considered it impressive that this young pair had already accomplished so much, if he hadn’t been very much aware of Jeong Jaehyun’s presence who was standing just a few metres away from him. He knew he was still staring but he couldn’t help it, the way the embroidery on Jaehyun’s suit jacket reflected light was incredibly distracting.

“He’s still bitter that you won’t join his company”, Kibum said to Jaehyun now but pointed towards Minho with his head to signify who he was talking about.

“Oh”, Jaehyun let out and he was clearly surprised at the sudden attention, all eyes of the two groups of people now focused on him. Doyoung resolutely forced himself to look away. He didn’t need to see Jaehyun act surprised and coy when it was obvious that every single person in this huge room should have been looking at him anyway. No one could look this annoyingly perfect and then pretend to be humble. The impression Doyoung had gotten from their first awful phone call was getting more and more confirmed with every passing second.

Doyoung could breathe a little easier when he realised that. It was much easier to hate Jaehyun when he wasn’t taken off guard by his smile or his dimples or the lowcut of the suit jacket that he wore with no shirt underneath and revealed part of his collarbones. Instinctively, Doyoung’s hand shot up to play with the collar of his own turtleneck.

“Stop pressuring him”, Minho nudged Kibum with his elbow and for a moment Doyoung had almost forgotten they were still there.

“You’re the one who keeps spamming his e-mails about how amazing he’d be if he debuted as a singer.”

“Okay, Darling. Whatever you say”, Minho agreed and Doyoung had the feeling he didn’t say these phrases for the first time, “I think we should go greet some of the other guests.”

Kibum took a glass of champagne from one of the waiters passing by and tipped it towards Yuta who was standing next to him. “You guys have fun!”

When there was no head of pastel hair or former Youtube stars to distract him anymore, Doyoung’s eyes unintentionally found their way back to Jaehyun who was already looking at him. Jaehyun greeted him with a short nod, a hint of recognition and understanding in his brown eyes. Then he looked away without saying a single word. Doyoung was sure now that he should have never agreed to attend this event at all.

The problem wasn’t that the atmosphere turned awkward when the hosts left the randomly brought together group of Youtubers alone. The problem was that Jungwoo was too nice. He recalled stories that no one asked for but he shared them in such an enthusiastic and entertaining way that Doyoung couldn’t even dislike it.

“I swear I thought the cheese would just flow through the fountain! How would I know that the whole thing can just explode like that?”, he defended himself and his most popular video but the smile on his face was beaming when Yuta encouraged him with a bright laugh. Naturally, these two basically adored each other after not more than fifteen minutes of conversation.

Jaehyun kept mostly quiet, correcting Jungwoo’s stories here and there in a soft voice when he exaggerated them a little too drastically. To his own surprise, Doyoung noticed that while Jaehyun’s voice still had a deep timbre it sounded completely different from when they had spoken on the phone. Not only were its rough edges smoother but his words seemed careful and calculated, nothing like the awkward and aggravating way Doyoung remembered it. He even talked to Yuta briefly about their previous sponsorships with _Keyline_ but he never looked at Doyoung again.

None of this would have been too bad for Doyoung to handle. He convinced himself he was only there to try the free fancy food, possibly secure a sponsorship offer and then go home again to his same old life. Jungwoo was really friendly and for a few minutes at a time he could even pretend that the man who had caused him so many worries over the past few weeks didn’t stand right in front of him.

His patience was starting to run thin however, when all guests were suddenly ushered into a different room where they would take seats to enjoy the dinner properly. Because the universe hated him and Jungwoo seemed to think he and Yuta were his new best friends, the four of them ended up sitting together at one end of the enormously large, u-shaped table.

“It’s amazing how quickly your channel has grown”, Jungwoo complimented Doyoung at one point and Doyoung hoped it wasn’t obvious that he strained to keep his smile from falling. Almost none of his smiles and comments directed at Jungwoo had been fake so far but the underlying bitterness he was trying to hold back suddenly felt overwhelming.

“Yeah, it was… unexpected”, Doyoung said and dared to look for someone else’s reaction, not Jungwoo who had been talking to him. Jaehyun at least had the decency to avoid his gaze. Somehow that only angered Doyoung even more.

“I’m really happy for you though”, Jungwoo emphasised again, almost too insistent like he had sensed that something was wrong, “you deserve it! Your content is great.”

“Thanks”, was all Doyoung managed to respond to Jungwoo’s good intention that had ended up rather unfortunate. For a few seconds no one said anything, then Yuta started talking about a completely unrelated topic and Jungwoo leaped at the chance to cover the awkward silence.

After another few agonizing moments Doyoung finally excused himself with the excuse of going to the restroom. If that was his only chance to escape that table for the foreseeable future he had to use it now. Like everything else in this place the bathrooms were way more fancy than necessary. One single bathroom stall, or rather separate room with one toilet each, was probably as big as the kitchen space in his apartment. The mirror above the sinks had some kind of golden ornaments surrounding it.

Doyoung was tempted to splash some cold water on his face, to calm down or to just stop thinking for one second. But he decided against it when he remembered the highlighter and makeup base Taeyong had carefully applied for him. He dreaded going back inside where he had to face Jaehyun but as he glanced up into the mirror, he couldn’t stand looking at himself either.

The first thing Doyoung noticed when he went back into the big dining room eventually was that the seat next to Jungwoo wasn’t taken anymore. Slightly alarmed, his eyes roamed around the place, over unfamiliar faces and expensive clothes until they landed on a unique embroidered suit jacket. Jaehyun was standing at the bar on the other side of the seemingly never-ending table. Doyoung had already tried to deal with his fight or flight instinct once that evening and fleeing to the restroom hadn’t made him feel better in any way. He really only had one option now.

“Can you stop ignoring me?”, Doyoung asked without any introductory words. The look in his eyes was equally cold as his voice when he slid into the empty spot next to Jaehyun at the bar. He wished there was a little more space so he wouldn’t have to stand this close to the man, the light Jaehyun’s jacket reflected danced on Doyoung’s black pullover.

“I didn’t want to make you even more uncomfortable”, Jaehyun said and skipped the exchange of niceties too, “do you want one?”

He was drinking a type of white wine that Doyoung probably wouldn’t have known even if someone told him the name of the drink.

“Because last time I got drunk was so much fun for both of us?”, the words had left Doyoung’s mouth before he could consider them. Usually he was so much more level-headed, always rehearsing his answer in his head before he decided to raise his hand in class. Apparently he didn’t have to be drunk to lose any sense of clear-headedness and manners around Jaehyun.

Belatedly, Doyoung realised that the man next to him actually physically flinched at his words. He felt it where their arms touched on top of the bar counter. If he had wanted to pretend his drunken phone call at Johnny’s party never happened he’d missed that opportunity because of his own impulsiveness. It was futile to wonder now whether Jaehyun would have ever brought it up himself.

“Sorry that I asked”, Jaehyun apologised because that seemed to be the only thing he was capable of doing when he was around Doyoung, “are you enjoying the event so far?”

“You know you can quit the sweet idol act around me”, Doyoung had meant it in the sense that pretending like that wouldn’t work on him. The little twinge of guilt that he was trying so hard to supress had twisted his words and softened his voice anyway. There was no way for him to know how Jaehyun interpreted it and he wasn’t really sure that he wanted to know either. He was already very much occupied with his own thoughts and emotions.

“You’re making everyone feel tense and awkward if you can’t even look at me”, Doyoung accused him justifiably in his opinion but quickly learned to regret throwing out accusations like that. Jaehyun was looking directly into his eyes now like he was trying to prove a point.

“I can. I just didn’t think you’d want me to.”

Doyoung told himself he was only flustered because he hadn’t expected this reaction. It was the element of surprise, and clearly not Jaehyun’s intense gaze and pretty eyes, that caused him to lean back and drag a hand through his own hair, effectively messing up the hairstyle that was never up to par with Yuta’s or Jaehyun’s anyway. Unfortunately, the space at the bar was quite crowded and instead of regaining his personal space the man standing on the other side of Doyoung pushed him closer and closer towards Jaehyun.

“I’ll go ask if Yuta or Jungwoo want any drinks”, Doyoung said hurriedly and turned his back to the bar before anyone could stop him. Although there wouldn’t have been anyone to do so anyway. Surely, there was no reason Jaehyun would have ever stopped Doyoung from walking from him.

Doyoung couldn’t tell anymore whether what he was trying to do was fight or flight now. If he’d been honest with anyone or at least himself, he had no idea what he was doing at all.

The rest of the evening went by rather uneventful. A representative from _Keyline_ came over to talk to each of them about the possible sponsorship opportunities they offered for their Youtube partners, but other than that and the weird tomato-blueberry soup the chef served nothing was worth noting in Doyoung’s opinion. It was a little worrying however, that every smile Jaehyun only vaguely directed at him after their conversation at the bar felt more noteworthy than the sponsorship and food he had come here to enjoy. Jaehyun had relaxed more the later it had gotten and although he was still on the quieter side compared to Jungwoo, and Doyoung had absolutely no interest in hearing anything Jaehyun had to say, it was more bearable than the tense silence.

It was almost midnight when Doyoung went to retrieve his coat from the cloakroom near the entrance of the building. The air that streamed in through the massive open front door was uncomfortably cold. As soon as possible he went back inside the dining room both to escape from the cold and to try and find Yuta so they could leave together. The taxi fare back to his place alone would have been ridiculously overpriced and he secretly looked forward to the strange comfort only a late-night drive with his best friend could provide.

Yuta was standing next to Jungwoo who was animatedly talking to some other guy Doyoung thought looked somewhat familiar, although he couldn’t pinpoint where he’d seen him before. When he went over to them and discreetly joined their conversation he learned that this Taemin guy was apparently an incredibly talented dancer and artist under Choi Minho’s company. Doyoung wasn’t surprised that he couldn’t recognize him directly but he noticed the look of awe on Yuta’s face instead. The fact that Jungwoo was introducing them to each other seemed like a big deal and Doyoung was careful not to ruin the moment.

Jungwoo shifted his weight from one leg to the other and Doyoung noticed just now that he was carrying a bulky, padded jacket in his arms. He himself was already wearing a baby blue jacket that complimented his light hair and slightly tanned skin.

“Should I take this?”, Doyoung offered in a quiet voice when Yuta and Taemin seemed engrossed in their own conversation.

“It’s fine, thank you. It is Jaehyun’s”, Jungwoo explained and placed the jacket on his other arm. He saw the confused look on Doyoung’s face when he couldn’t spot the other man anywhere inside the dining room. “He’s waiting for me outside. I’ll give it to him in a second.”

In that same moment however, Taemin turned his attention back to Jungwoo and roped him back into whatever topic they were discussing and which Doyoung couldn’t really be bothered to follow. It was getting very late and it almost felt like the cold air from the cloakroom had followed him, clinging to his clothes and his body now. He thought about the women in their flimsy dresses he had seen earlier that night and didn’t envy them one bit. That couldn’t have been appropriate clothing for the cold night that welcomed them outside now. Almost habitually, he reached to fix the collar of his turtleneck pullover beneath the thick layer of his coat.

Then he dropped his hand and reached for the padded jacket in Jungwoo’s arms instead. When the other sent him a quizzical look Doyoung hoped his own reassuring smile would be enough of an explanation. He thought it was obvious that he was doing this so Jungwoo and Yuta could finish whatever business they had here undisturbed.

Jaehyun was standing near the parking lot next to the building, his hands stuffed into his jeans pockets and the wind tugging at the few buttons that held his thin suit jacket together. Doyoung quickened his pace when he noticed the wind pick up in strength, he really didn’t need to see Jeong Jaehyun accidentally flash his abs to everyone, including him. Or at least he assumed that Jaehyun was hiding abs under that suit with no shirt. He didn’t actually know and he didn’t want to find out now either.

If Jaehyun had looked surprised a few hours ago when they had first met, he must have looked shocked now that Doyoung was standing in front of him alone, carrying a jacket that was clearly Jaehyun’s and not his own.

Doyoung could have simply explained the situation with Taemin to Jaehyun but now that he was outside, he couldn’t remember why exactly he had thought there was such a strong correlation to Jaehyun’s jacket. Still, he was sure that his reasoning had made sense. He was probably just getting tired.

“I need your autograph”, Doyoung said instead of any other explanation because there had actually been one more thing he remembered shortly before they decided to leave the event. He hadn’t been sure if he would actually follow through with it but he had grabbed one of the paper menus just in case. So now he handed Jaehyun the quite odd ensemble of his own jacket, a stolen paper menu and a pen that Doyoung always carried around. Every sensible student should have been equipped with a pen at all times.

“What?”, Jaehyun said eloquently but grabbed the things anyway.

“I know this kid who likes you for some reason. I promised I would get your autograph for him.”

“Oh”, Jaehyun responded, still as eloquently as before Doyoung noted, “what’s his name?”

“Jeno”, Doyoung said although it felt a little weird, like disclosing the name of a friend of the highschool kid he tutored was already more personal information than he’d liked to share with him.

Jaehyun tried to hold his jacket in one hand and started signing the menu, despite the sparse lighting the streetlamp above their heads provided. It was still enough for Doyoung to see that Jaehyun’s hand that held the pen was shaking. With one swift motion Doyoung snatched the paper out of his hands again.

“Why wouldn’t you put your jacket on first? Do you _want_ to freeze to death?”

Doyoung knew now that he had preferred it when Jaehyun had refused to meet his gaze a while ago. The quick transition from surprise to a small smile, all without breaking eye contact was too much for Doyoung’s tired brain to process.

“What?”, Doyoung snapped when Jaehyun put on his jacket wordlessly but the smile on his face didn’t waver. It was more of an amused smirk than a kind smile and it irked Doyoung more than he would have admitted out loud. He realised too late, horrified at his own remarks, that at this point he was as articulate and well-spoken as Jaehyun.

“Nothing. I’m just surprised you’re that concerned for me.”

“Don’t flatter yourself”, Doyoung said and crossed his arms to tighten his own coat around himself.

For a second Doyoung thought the wind was playing tricks on his hearing, but Jaehyun genuinely laughed at that. A deep laugh that was being held back and faded out too quickly. But Doyoung had still heard it, a rich and honest laugh that didn’t match whatever calculating and careful persona Jaehyun had portrayed at the beginning of the evening. It was too dark out now but Doyoung was sure if he had seen Jaehyun’s face properly, the wide smile that must have accompanied such a sound didn’t fit his fierce outfit either.

“You’re right. What would you tell, what was his name again… Jeno. What would you tell Jeno if I died before I could sign this”, Jaehyun teased and Doyoung was mildly surprised that he had actually remembered Jeno’s name, “I wouldn’t want to cause any problems for you.”

Doyoung could feel the other’s eyes on him, searching for some kind of reaction that he wasn’t willing to give in that moment. Instead, he looked up at the stars like the answers to the many unspoken questions he had were written there. Maybe even the stars knew that Jaehyun was no longer talking about the autograph.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone excited that our main characters finally met? it only took us 20k words to get there  
> i've never written this much in less than 2 weeks so i hope someone appreciates the time and effort that went into this so far  
> I actually already have the next 5 chapters or so planned out but i'm way too dependent on support from other people so... i am once again asking for feedback.. if u want maybe... that'd be nice!  
> seriously tho big thanks to everyone who left comments on the first two chapters you definitely motivated me to finish this one before christmas too
> 
> also i know this time of the year can be especially hard for shawols so I hope no one minds shinee's little cameo in this and instead enjoys seeing some characters inspired by those wonderful people <3  
> there's actually a lot of people who don't have a good time around the holidays, especially this year, so to anyone who might need to hear this: you're doing your best and thats more than enough! you're appreciated and i hope you can spend the last few days of this year feeling happy and safe. If that's not the case i hope this unimportant little story i'm writing for fun could at least temporarily put a smile on your face!!
> 
> (its 3.30am dont mind my rambling and the mistakes that are probably all over this chapter,, i'm too tired to proofread it right now)


	4. [four]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !! please read these notes:
> 
> okay so fun story i actually injured both of my hands by writing too much in a such a short span of time. I overstrained both my wrists and pretty much all my fingers so.. i've been in (really) bad pain for over a week now and doing anything on my laptop is basically impossible  
> I went to a doctor today to see if i can speed up the recovery and do something about the pain but- as expected i just shouldnt be writing at all (doing online uni for a whole year now with lots of papers probably didnt help either but oh well)
> 
> this chapter was meant to be out sooner and at least around like 10k words bc I have everything planned out already but my hands are literally tied (ha get it.. bc theyre both bandaged)
> 
> anyway! i didnt want to leave anyone who might be interested in this story hanging without an update or explanation so i pushed through and somehow managed to finish writing at least like 1/3 of what i had planned... sorry about that and i hope you enjoy this update anyway <3
> 
> (read the notes at the end for more rambling and complaining)

Doyoung never understood the appeal of making grocery shopping out to be more entertaining than it was. His mother, while a little stressed when she had to buy food for big family events with distant relatives, usually always romanticized it as some kind of opportunity to make many small wishes come true, her own as well as her sons when she brought back their favourite cereal. She loved to take time and ponder about each ingredient she needed to buy. Back when Doyoung was younger she’d always said he’d understand when he was an adult. Well into his twenties now, Doyoung still had no idea what his mother had been talking about. Grocery shopping was time consuming, the small store near his apartment cramped and the tags that were supposed to show the origin of fruits and vegetables were intentionally ripped off so no one even had a chance to question it. The light above his head had its blue, clinical tinge as always and other than refilled shelves nothing about this place ever changed. As much as Doyoung liked routines and wasn’t fond of change in any form, he wouldn’t have complained if the store clerk changed the lightbulb in the overhead light to a more yellow, warmer tone.

With tired and slow steps he pushed the small cart past the few tables where he sat with Kun from time to time and instead followed Yuta further into the store. Yuta lived in a nicer part of the city than Doyoung and there were definitely better and more convenient shopping districts for him but most times he insisted that they would buy groceries together. Doyoung couldn’t really tell if this was one of Yuta’s ways to take care of people or if he himself needed the assistance but he appreciated the company either way. As a matter of fact, Yuta very much enjoyed spending money on good food but unlike Doyoung he wasn’t exactly blessed with cooking skills. With his three metres wide kitchen space in mind, Doyoung would have argued that he himself was at best decent at cooking but he was also pretty sure his friend had never actually used his much bigger kitchen at all. It probably made sense that they did their grocery shopping together, if only for Yuta to pick what Doyoung would cook for them.

Thankfully on a late evening there weren’t many people in the 24-hours convenience store that could just barely be recognised as place to buy groceries. Doyoung absentmindedly grabbed a net of possibly the world’s smallest and most pathetic looking onions when he felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his jeans.

“Give me one second”, Yuta said and hurried past a big shelf to the other isle where Doyoung knew he would find sweets of all sorts. Because that was apparently the one thing this store actually offered a variety of. He used the brief absence of his friend to scoot their cart out of everyone’s way and check the notification on his phone. Kun was meant to text him if he would come over that night to borrow a book that Doyoung bought a few months ago but never read. It had been a while since he had any spare time to enjoy a good book. However, it wasn’t Kun who had texted him.

[JustJaehyun 10.07pm]

_Hey_

Doyoung stared at the single word for a few seconds or minutes and only looked up when someone moved the cart next to him. Yuta was carrying four packs of the vegan chocolate they both liked to eat and dropped them on top of their other food rather ungracefully. The clash of plastic packaging sounded loud even with the obnoxiously looped playlist playing over a speaker in the shop. Doyoung avoided eating meat whenever he could, although he wasn’t strictly vegetarian, both because it was expensive and because there was simply no need or even wish for him to eat it most of the time. If it helped the environment too that was all the more reason to at least reduce his use of animal produce. And as long as Yuta paid for the only, and decidedly more expensive, type of vegan chocolate in this convenience store he didn’t mind at all.

“They didn’t have the chocolate with peanuts”, Yuta sighed dejectedly, like this had truly been the only reason he had wanted to go grocery shopping in the first place. Before Doyoung could respond however, the phone in his hand vibrated again.

[JustJaehyun 10.11pm]

_please don’t block me right away_

“The nerve of this guy – “, Doyoung started, ready to rant to Yuta about things much more important and troublesome than the lack of vegan peanut chocolate.

[JustJaehuyn 10.11pm]

_I have kind of a business offer that you might be interested in_

_I think it could be helpful_

“He knows I can’t stand him why does he keep showing up all the damn time”, Doyoung huffed out his frustration and locked his phone again without replying to the texts, “did you know I lost even Jeno to the charm of this guy?”

“Hmm”, Yuta hummed noncommittedly and picked up the net of onions from their cart with a disapproving look.

“Are you not going to ask who I’m talking about?”, Doyoung asked mildly irritated because usually Yuta was genuinely interested in anything that bothered him.

His friend however just shrugged his shoulders and dropped the net of onions again when he realised there would be no better ones anywhere inside this tragic shop.

“It’s kinda obvious who you’re talking about. Actually, you haven’t stopped talking about him for a week”, Yuta continued before Doyoung could defend himself against this utterly ridiculous accusation, “I know, he’s ruined everything. You’ve said that before.”

Doyoung stepped aside to let a young woman with a child go past them in the narrow isle and positioned himself behind the shopping cart like that old metal object was some kind of shield. He didn’t even know why he felt like he needed the protection in that moment. It wasn’t like Yuta’s observations were anything to be scared by.

“I don’t talk about him that much.”

“I’ve heard so much about his suit jacket from that _Keyline_ party, I could probably name every colour embroidered on it”, Yuta said with a smile because he knew he was right, “I don’t even remember the colour of the shirt I was wearing yesterday.”

“That’s just because I thought it’s dumb anyone would wear something like that in October”, Doyoung argued very reasonably, “also isn’t it considered rude to try and look better than everyone else at a fashion brand event when you’re not the host?”

“And did he?”, Yuta’s smile was replaced with a smirk now.

“Did he what?”, Doyoung repeated the question because he couldn’t figure out what he was referring to.

“Did he look better than everyone else?”

Scenes flashed behind Doyoung’s eyes, so vivid it felt like he was back in the expensive warehouse restaurant. He saw the host, Kibum, with his pastel buzz cut hair and the flowy shirt tucked into cargo pants which were both probably from his own successful fashion brand that they celebrated that night. There were women whose faces he couldn’t recall but who looked objectively stunning in their long dresses and heavy makeup. And then he saw Jaehyun, with his tight-fitted jeans and his shiny suit jacket, smiling at him. The dimples in his cheeks were deep beneath high cheekbones and his meticulously styled up hair fell down in strands on his forehead by the time Doyoung found him standing under the light of a single streetlamp outside. Flying through his mind and scattering his thoughts were images of brown eyes and collarbones under a suit jacket with no shirt and –

“That’s beside the point”, Doyoung said resolutely to stop both Yuta and his own mind from going down that dangerous path.

He broke Yuta’s gaze because he couldn’t stand the signs of surprise on the familiar face at how harsh his voice had sounded for a split second. It was much softer when he continued: “I haven’t even shown you the worst of the hate I got because of him.”

Using the shopping cart as a shield turned out to be much more effective than anticipated because Yuta suddenly looked like all he wanted to do was hug Doyoung. Thankfully, there was literally not enough space where they were standing between the shelves of dog food and cold drinks for any dramatic and possibly embarrassing scenes to unfold. Doyoung could appreciate a good hug but he’d rather not do it there. He was pretty sure the little girl who had walked past them with her mother a few moments ago was still giving them funny looks anyway.

“I know you were hurt a lot because of his video and livestream”, Yuta said with worry etched onto his usually carefree and pretty features. Doyoung wondered if maybe Yuta was the one who needed a hug right now, he definitely looked like it. “People have been horrible to you because of it and your feelings are so valid. No one can force you to be nice to Jaehyun and no one can blame you for it either.”

While his words were genuine and reassuring, it sounded like a _but_ was about to follow. Doyoung hated that he knew his friend so well. He didn’t really care to hear a _but_ in this case.

“All I’m saying is that Jaehyun seems like a good guy and I hate to see this whole situation weigh you down so much.”

In an attempt to seem unbothered, although he knew there was no point in trying to fool his best friend, Doyoung turned to focus all his attention on the dog food on the shelf next to him. They both knew very well that he didn’t own a dog.

To his relief, Yuta seemed to have gotten the hint and decided to change the topic back to the shop’s limited selection of vegan chocolate, like the state of the vegetables they were about to buy was not possibly a health risk. But when they stood outside the store, groceries packed into two heavy bags and both of them ready to leave the slight drizzle of rain behind for the comfort of their own apartments, their conversation steered back to the one issue Doyoung was trying so hard to avoid thinking about. Although judging by Yuta’s earlier comments he hadn’t been very successful with that lately either way.

“Have you ever watched the whole Do Challenge video?”, Yuta asked without wasting any time easing into the subject. It must have been obvious to him that the thought of Jaehyun hadn’t left Doyoung alone even after the door to the convenience store had closed behind them.

“No, why would I do that to myself”, he replied more confidently than he felt. The small drops of rain were starting to soak through his clothes but neither of them hurried to talk next. Doyoung thought he had said enough, there simply was no reason he would have watched the whole five hours of that first video which effectively caused him so much pain. That would have probably destroyed any and all of the self-confidence he had build up so carefully before university and especially later through his Youtube channel. If he watched that video, he was sure that no matter the outcome, there would be no turning back.

“Don’t tell me you’ve seen all of it?”, Doyoung asked when he realised Yuta had already gotten all the information he wanted. Despite Doyoung’s own bias, he couldn’t help that his curiosity had been piqued.

“Of course I’ve seen it”, Yuta said because apparently that wasn’t as earthshattering for him as it was for Doyoung, “I needed to know if I have to fight him for your honour or something like that.”

That was interesting to note because as Doyoung remembered, Yuta hadn’t fought Jaehyun when they met face to face. If anything he had been more than civil and even nice to him. Some of that positive and lively atmosphere had definitely been thanks to Jungwoo’s presence but still, for some reason unknown to Doyoung there had been no hostility between the other men.

“You know I’ve always got your back”, Yuta said and pushed back his long hair that was slowly catching more and more rain, “but maybe you should try watching that video sometime.”

Doyoung considered pointing out that Yuta was throwing around _but_ a lot that evening but ultimately decided against it. After all, Yuta somehow managed to do it without being condescending. Perhaps, instead of complaining about it, Doyoung could take the advice for what it was and implement it. He really didn’t want to face his anxiety and watch the video _but_ he realised now that he could.

* * *

He hadn’t minded the rain as much as he probably should have considering that his clothes and the bag that was holding everything he bought were coated in a thin layer of water. With a thud, he placed the bag on the kitchen counter and moved his laptop out of the way so he could use the little space he had to unpack the groceries. And although some of that food surely needed to be put into his small refrigerator soon, when he grabbed his laptop he could almost hear Yuta’s voice in his head telling him to forget about his chores and open Youtube instead. Doyoung wasn’t sure which of the two would be the more unpleasant choice in this situation.

In the end, he was sitting on his sofa that was only somewhat comfortable because Kun had once given him two additional big pillows for it when Doyoung had complained about back pain again. His laptop was resting on his legs and the yogurt in his grocery bag was probably already two days closer to spoiling than it would have been if he put it in the fridge right away. Before he could begin to genuinely worry about his yogurt or Jaehyun’s face that was smiling up at him from the thumbnail of the Do Challenge video, he clicked play.

The video started as he remembered it, with an introduction of both the challenge idea, which wouldn’t have been terrible if Doyoung hadn’t been involved, and Doyoung’s channel. How much attention his channel gained after this video was published really shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him because Jaehyun definitely made sure time and time again to explain where the inspiration had come from. Doyoung however could have very well done without the credit if he had instead been asked for permission before the video was uploaded to begin with.

By the time the display of his laptop showed 3.21am he had to deal with multiple revelations. Firstly, he had assumed that judging by the 5 hours length of the video Jaehyun had given up halfway through his own challenge. As it turned out though, he simply edited the video down to make it more entertaining and easier to watch for his general audience. While Jaehyun added some commentary throughout the video and had much more to say than Doyoung thought necessary in a regular study video he still always showed his schedule to prove that he was keeping up with the one Doyoung had set for himself in his video. If Doyoung wasn’t feeling so on edge and distracted by everything else he might have even found it a little impressive.

The second thing Doyoung had to deal with, was the fact that he’d been looking at Jaehyun for 3 hours straight now and would continue to do so for the next two hours. Annoyingly enough Doyoung had to realise that Jaehyun was still as good-looking as ever. Meeting the guy in person had already confirmed that fact, although he wouldn’t admit that even to his best friend, but he seemed different in this video. When Jaehyun started hour three of his study session he changed into an oversized hoodie that made him look smaller than he was. Doyoung knew that because he had unfortunately noticed their small height difference when they’d been standing next to each other last week. Then again, none of these things had probably been revelations to anyone else. Judging by the comment section under his videos and any article that mentioned JustJaehyun, everyone who’d ever used the internet was aware that Jaehyun was attractive.

What Doyoung noted and left him more confused than he’d liked was instead that when he wasn’t interacting with Jaehyun he didn’t actually mind looking at him. Doyoung never liked the saying that the eyes of love are blind, especially when it was used to excuse bad actions. And he thought now that it was wrong anyway. It was something closer to hate, or at least strong dislike, that had made him partially blind to the version of Jaehyun that he was showing in this video.

Doyoung decided quickly that he didn’t like to dwell on revelation number two much longer. Although his third point didn’t make him feel any better either: Jaehyun was unintentionally funny, charming and worst of all – he was kind.

All this time he’d been convinced that this video, the mere idea for this hated challenge, had been a mockery of his own content. He could have given Jaehyun and his intentions the benefit of the doubt, if only the reaction Doyoung received hadn’t been so heavily and overwhelmingly negative. For the most part however Jaehyun seemed to take this video serious and to add on to that every now and then he spoke so highly of Doyoung that he could feel his face burn with shame. Doyoung was still so hurt, so very confused and he couldn’t tell anymore whether he deserved to hear any kind words in that moment.

_“Isn’t it nice to have someone who keeps you going when you’re about to give up? I know this sounds ridiculous I’m just trying to get my lazy ass to finally study properly but still… it’s nice to know someone is going through the same thing even if it’s only virtual and they probably don’t even know me. I’m sure I’m not nearly as helpful when it comes to studying as this Doyoung guy but I hope I can give some of you that same feeling with my content.”_

_“Honestly I didn’t know I could make it through this challenge although I kinda started it. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do it without this video and my grades are gonna thank me and especially the ZelosDocument channel so much for this! If I pass this class I really owe him one.”_

Doyoung’s friends always complained that the ticking of the clock on his wall was obnoxiously loud but he only noticed it now, as it was ticking away consistently and grew louder until it jolted him out the odd stupor he had suddenly found himself in. He craned his neck to take a look at it as if that would magically silence its irritating sound. The hands of the clock showed something around 5am. Only now did it register in his tired mind that he was hearing the sound so clearly because the video on his laptop had gone silent when it ended. The last sentences he had heard Jaehyun say before the video froze and the final ad started playing was still ringing in his ears.

_“Thank you guys for sticking with me through this long video and I hope you found it at least somewhat entertaining! Maybe even helpful? I doubt that personally. And hey Doyoung, if you ever watch this, just… thank you.”_

The laptop closed shut, interrupting the single consistent ticking of the clock with a dull noise. Doyoung couldn’t stand looking at the screen any longer, especially not scrolling down to the comment section like he usually did after watching a video. He knew what the comments under this one looked like. They’d been his own cruel type of bedtime story for a while now. But because he knew everything about this video so well, had thought he knew, it was strange that the past five hours had passed by not as slowly and certainly not as excruciatingly as they should have.

Doyoung pushed his laptop away from himself like the object itself was responsible for the weird feeling that had been lingering in the back of his mind, hidden in some remote little chamber of his heart that he had shut close with as much force as his laptop. When he stood up now to continue putting away the yogurt he’d neglected earlier, that feeling pushed against its restraints harder than ever before. When he finally opened the door to his small fridge, a vanilla yogurt in hand, it felt as if he had opened something else instead.

The thoughts that suddenly rushed at Doyoung’s consciousness with full force threatened to overcome him, any care for his now lukewarm yogurt deemed entirely unimportant. With his pride and the comfort he found in his ability to explore his own mind he tried, and failed, to sort his thoughts. Because they weren’t really thoughts at all. Emotions in their freest form were running wild and Doyoung had no idea how to tame them. All he could identify beyond the initial disorientation was guilt and doubt about himself and everything he thought he knew up until this point. Until incredibly irritating and annoyingly kind Jaehyun had ruined everything once again.

Objectively, Doyoung understood that it was alright for him to still be upset because Jaehyun hadn’t asked for his permission when he created a challenge based on his content. It should have been common courtesy for content creators to extend this type of professionalism when interacting with others. He didn’t even need Yuta to confirm that his apprehension against Jaehyun was valid. To his own dismay however, Doyoung had to remind himself that he had accepted Jaehyun’s apology long ago.

_  
“I accept your apology but don’t expect me to forgive you.”_

Now it was his own bodiless voice floating around his head and just for a moment Doyoung wished his memories and thoughts would kindly shut up. Forgiving was one of the hardest things a person could do and for Doyoung, with his strong principles that didn’t override but still influenced his own kindess, it was a task so big and intimidating he reserved it only for the people he cared about the most. It always felt like he was giving a part of himself, most vulnerable and real, to a person who deserved his forgiveness.

He had genuinely accepted the apology and he knew what was expected of him next, he just didn’t know if he could do it. Whether he doubted his own strength to forgive or Jaehyun’s innocence in all this wasn’t clear even to himself. There was still a looming dark fog clouding his mind and judgement. He could almost feel the rain that had drizzled on him earlier that night surrounding him now too. Nothing about it was pleasant anymore as it spread through his body and he shivered where the feeling reached. With a thud he closed the fridge that he had left open to put away the groceries but only the cold that had been streaming out of there weakened.

There wouldn’t have been any sunlight coming in through the window for another few hours and Doyoung didn’t actually think his call would go through when he pulled out his phone and clicked on JustJaehyun’s contact. It would have been wise for Doyoung to start thinking at all when it came to Jeong Jaehyun.

“Hello?”, a deep and by this time somewhat familiar voice answered after less than a minute. It couldn’t have been later than half past five am. Doyoung noticed that the voice sounded different, again less polished, than when he’d heard it at the fashion brand event last time but chose to ignore it. There were more pressing matters at hand.

“It’s Doyoung”, he introduced himself and it felt odd to leave out further explanations, almost like they were acquaintances now, “I wanted to ask about that offer you mentioned.”

Jaehyun’s laugh, albeit more reserved, filtered through the phone and drowned out the loud ticking of the clock in Doyoung’s room.

“You called to ask that at 5am?”, Jaehyun answered with a question and didn’t bother to hide his surprised tone, “what are you doing up at this time anyway?”

“I could ask you the same thing”, Doyoung said defensively. Their casual conversational mood confused him a little but he felt more comfortable in their usual dynamic. He had learned to be ready to defend himself anytime Jaehyun was involved.

“Fair enough.”

“I actually haven’t gone to sleep yet”, Doyoung said to his own surprise as much as Jaehyun’s. There was no need for him to explain anything to this man and he certainly didn’t have to know about his worrying sleep schedule. Maybe he just wanted to make sure Jaehyun knew a well-rested and not sleep-deprived Doyoung probably wouldn’t even be talking to him right now.

“Oh”, the voice on the other end of the line breathed out before he continued, “I hope you’ll get some sleep soon.”

With his back against the door of his mini fridge, the freezing air locked inside behind him, Doyoung slid down to sit on the ground. He must have truly lost all his carefully trained self-control because he didn’t push away the thought that those words felt like they’d been accompanied by a cozy and heavy blanket. The soft voice draped itself over his body and mind and he suddenly felt so, so tired.

“Anyway, about the thing I texted you”, Jaehyun cleared his throat and at least that should have made Doyoung come back to his senses abruptly but it didn’t.

“I don’t know if you’ve seen Jungwoo’s post from the _Keyline_ event, but we were both in it and the reaction wasn’t as bad as… some people finally realised that there’s absolutely no reason to hate you”, he sounded unsure at first but his tone grew more firm by the end of it.

The post Jaehyun was referring to had stirred up quite some attention last week and Doyoung wasn’t exactly shocked that it was brought up again in one way or another. Jungwoo had posted three different photos: One of himself posing like the model he was. One with Jaehyun whom he seemed closer to than Doyoung had initially thought. And one with his arms slung around Yuta and Doyoung who looked like they’d belonged right there with Jungwoo, like they hadn’t met just that same night.

Considering the recent interactions between Doyoung and Jaehyun, less focused on the harassment by Jaehyun’s viewers and more on his spontaneous coming out, people were quick to point out that they must have met although there was no picture of them together. Doyoung had seen the reactions, which had been vastly negative but also surprisingly and largely curious or even positive. Either he had grown partially numb to the attention or he simply couldn’t be mad about it because Jungwoo was involved, but the experience hadn’t been nearly as bad as one would have expected. One time he’d even laughed at a tweet that mentioned him after the post gained traction:

_Doyoungie o(^-^ o ) spare photo with JJ? pls bless us all with ur beauty and grace_

“Hear me out”, Jaehyun pleaded when Doyoung was about to reply like he expected to be shut down immediately. Doyoung couldn’t blame him though, he himself wasn’t really sure what he’d wanted to respond. “I know that you said interacting with me makes everything much worse for you and I respect that. But maybe it could have the opposite effect too… maybe we could turn this around. So I thought I’d just offer to make a video together in case you ever wanted to.”

As he usually did Doyoung should’ve thought this through this more thoroughly, weigh the pros and cons of this situation like he always did before he made any decisions. In that moment however, at 5am and with a desperate need for sleep, he simply felt tired. But for some reason it was not the type of exhaustion that ran through his body for the past weeks and at the same time had kept him from resting for days and nights on end. He could barely feel the cold hard door of the fridge press against his back anymore.

“I’m not saying I’ll do it”, Doyoung said and paused for a split second, “but what kind of video did you have in mind?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel so bad leaving you guys on kind of a cliffhanger but I had to split this chapter somehow so i'd be able to post at all :((  
> honestly u cant even imagine how frustrated i am, not only bc uhh yeah i'm in pain and cant do Anything, but also bc i have so much planned already for this story and i just cant write it right now  
> I dont know when I'll be able to update again and that might sound overdramatic but like.. i'm genuinely sad about it - especially bc online uni with a bunch of assignments is coming up again next week and i Need to get rid of this pain so i can prioritise that (i'm a little stressed about all of this pls bear with me complaining rn)  
> just please be patient with me and know that i'm doing my best  
> as u might expect i'm even more grateful for comments (or kudos) in this situation! pls pls do leave your thoughts about this story if u want!! i cherish every single comment and they truly mean a lot to me
> 
> i hope your start into the new year was less stressful than mine and that the upcoming months will be kind to you all!! i appreciate u and hope to be back very soon with the content i want to share


	5. [five]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this needs to be said every few chapters so here's a reminder that this is a fictional story with fictional characters! the only thing they have in common with any nct members are names and loosely inspired characteristics!! i dont know how much clearer i can make this so pls keep that in mind
> 
> other than that sorry for the long wait and i'll probably have too much to say again in the notes at the end of this chapter

He hurried to make it out of the train before the doors could close again. The platform he stepped out onto looked similar to the station near his apartment, the only thing it was missing was the graffiti on the wall and the ever-constant smell of fast food in the air. There’d been an effort by the city a few years ago to renovate all of its train stations in a similar style to hide the otherwise obvious differences in lifestyle standards in various parts of the city. Doyoung only had to take one look around him to realise that he wouldn’t have been able to live anywhere around the neighbourhood that probably surrounded this station. He made his way past a number of platforms and through the unfamiliar area until he spotted what seemed to be the main entrance that led outside into the city again. For a moment he hesitated, deciding to check his phone once more to make sure there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings. Jaehyun had texted him yesterday that his manager, a guy who was only a little older than them and was apparently named Taeil, would pick Doyoung up at the train station. Truthfully, Doyoung had never been in this part of town, the city too big for even locals to know every corner of it, but he still thought it was almost too much of a coincidence that Jaehyun lived there. For all Doyoung had known, he could have lived on the other side of the country. The fact that Jaehyun hadn’t known how far the distance between them actually was before he proposed the joint video shoot was still a little confusing to Doyoung too. Maybe Jaehyun would’ve even been ready to take a plane to meet him if Doyoung just said the word. Doyoung’s ego wasn’t big enough to believe that but Jaehyun had surely sounded determined enough for it to be a possibility. He hadn’t pushed Doyoung into agreeing to this collab, if anything he had sounded a little shy when he mentioned it for the first time, but as soon as Doyoung had shown even the slightest interest his determination had apparently doubled. Like Doyoung’s encouragement was the one thing he’d needed to voice his ideas.

And Doyoung had to admit his ideas weren’t actually terrible. As much as Doyoung suffered because of Jaehyun’s attention he understood that it if they did this properly now, without distant one-sided comments and instead purposefully planned interactions, he might have been able to gain sympathy from the many people who were now suddenly aware of his existence. Even if they couldn’t change the mind of those who sent him genuine hate it might have been easier to bare after this. The plan was simple: Visit Jaehyun and do, well, nothing special in particular. There was no set script or challenge they wanted to follow. Instead Jaehyun had suggested they would do a more casual style of video, something that matched both of their content a little better. And since Jaehyun had spent a whole day following Doyoung’s plans with the Do-Challenge video they agreed to base this one on “A Day in my Life” videos from Jaehyun’s point of view. Doyoung thought it was somewhat risky, to let this almost-but-not-really-anymore stranger that he certainly didn’t like be in charge for this video but it was Jaehyun’s channel that it would be uploaded on anyway. Just this once Doyoung figured he could go along with whatever the other had in mind.

When he walked through the main entrance and out onto the street his gaze swept over a row of taxis. After checking his texts again he knew for sure that Jaehyun’s manager would be waiting for him with a lime green car. Owning a car of that sort of colour was a bold choice but it worked in Doyoung’s favour because he noticed it parked a few metres down the street after barely one minute passed. He walked over there briskly as to not keep the other man waiting any longer and only slowed his steps when he came face to face with the person leaning against his bright green car.

“Hello Mr. Kim!”, the man greeted him with a smile but also a distinct air of professionalism. If Doyoung hadn’t known better he would have thought he was the same age as him, the casual clothes and his boyish smile making him look not only young but friendly too. Then again, it wasn’t like people above the age of 25 were immediately considered senior citizens, even if that was what social media wanted everyone to believe sometimes. Doyoung was more taken aback because, although he wasn’t sure what exactly he had expected, Taeil’s appearance was kind of surprising. Perhaps he had just expected a different type of person to be the manager of a Youtuber with over three million subscribers. Someone with a suit maybe and a frown instead of the smile that didn’t waver even when Doyoung clearly took a moment to sort his thoughts.

“Hello! Hi… you can just call me Doyoung if that’s alright with you”, Doyoung said quickly before the other man could deem him weird or worse, rude.

“Oh yes please, then you can call me Taeil of course”, the guy with the green car, Taeil, agreed and his smile didn’t turn wider but definitely softer, “I don’t like having to act all formal with people anyway. Jaehyun said he told you that I’m picking you up but I didn’t actually trust him with that. I’m glad it worked out.”

The confusion must have been visible on Doyoung’s face because Taeil explained himself without having to be asked.

“Jaehyun isn’t irresponsible but he’s got a lot on his plate so I wouldn’t have been surprised if he forgot to plan this properly”, he said and trailed off at the end like he was considering something, “but he also seemed really serious about this…”

“Anyway, I’m sure everything will be just fine”, Taeil continued without pause and with a sense of finality, Doyoung couldn’t tell if Taeil’s words were reassuring or worrying, “should we get going?”

And with that Doyoung went to sit in the passenger seat of the green car that looked barely new and not exactly expensive either. When Taeil started the car a woman’s voice suddenly came out of the integrated CD player and narrated the first sentence of what sounded like a fairytale but he turned it off before Doyoung could make any sense of it.

* * *

They were standing inside a modern apartment complex, big windows letting sunlight into what anywhere else would have been a narrow dark hallway but looked like a hotel lobby in this building. It wasn’t even the main entrance area anymore, they’d taken the elevator up four levels, but the room between the doors leading to different apartments was probably bigger than Doyoung’s whole living space. Taeil rang the bell next to one of the doors without much of a warning for Doyoung who was suddenly starting to question what exactly he was doing there. His shoes sounded loud against the tiled floor when he shuffled his feet nervously. The door in front of them opened after a moment that felt too long and not nearly long enough at the same time.

Once again Jaehyun didn’t look exactly how Doyoung had pictured him. He’d mentally prepared him for the stylized look he’d seen him wear at the fashion brand event or maybe wearing a soft relaxed hoodie like he had for the most part of the Do-Challenge video. Instead he greeted them in a black and white striped shirt, hanging loosely over a simple t-shirt and ripped light blue jeans. The fact that Jaehyun didn’t wear the same type of outfits when this was only their second time meeting in completely different settings shouldn’t have perplexed Doyoung nearly as much as it did. He wondered just how many times it would feel like he was seeing Jaehyun for the first time.

“Hey”, Jaehyun said to Doyoung with a clearly hesitant smile and then turned his attention to Taeil who was standing closer to the door like he was some kind of safeguard between them, “thanks for driving him here.”

“No problem, anything for you two”, Taeil responded and Doyoung decidedly didn’t acknowledge that no one had ever addressed Jaehyun and him as one like this before, “I mean you’re paying me but still, you’re welcome.”

Then the oldest of the three turned to face Doyoung again: “If things get boring or awkward feel free to call me! I know some great jokes. Or I could tell you some really embarrassing stories about Jae-“

“Okay, yeah thanks for your help!”, Jaehyun interrupted Taeil before he could finish his sentence and gestured down the wide hallway for him to leave.

Doyoung would have thought Jaehyun was being rude if Taeil didn’t laugh out loud in that moment. There seemed to be an unspoken conversation happening that he failed to pick up on. The whole situation reminded him a little of when his mom used to drop him off at a friend’s house for playdates as a little kid. Not that this had anything to do with playing, he was there for work related business after all. With a subtle movement Doyoung shook his head and dropped his gaze from Jaehyun’s face to the rips over his knees instead. Nothing about this resembled a _date_ either. At this point he didn’t regret his decisions to agree to this video shoot yet but he realised only in that moment that it might have been a better idea to meet up literally anywhere else. When Jaehyun stepped aside to let him into the apartment it finally hit Doyoung that he was being invited into his home.

“Text me later if you need me again”, Taeil said at the same time as Jaehyun gestured for them to come inside and Doyoung almost wished he could beg the manager to stay with them. Instead he reluctantly watched him leave after he quickly thanked him again for the ride from the train station.

If Doyoung had thought the bright green car or modern hallway had been memorable the sight of Jaehyun’s apartment immediately made him forget all about them. The room inside opened up into a big open space when he stepped through the front door. It was equally as modern as the building on the outside with white walls, lightwood flooring and huge windows that looked even more impressive with the afternoon sunlight shining through them. Unlike the new houses and apartments Doyoung had seen a few times on these types of shows that liked to show off other people’s homes and properties, the modern aesthetic of Jaehyun’s place didn’t give off any of the coldness and harsh edges they usually did. There was a big poster on the wall that looked like the album cover of some band Doyoung didn’t recognize. Beneath it a red bike leaned against the wall near the entrance and Doyoung winced just thinking about the marks it probably left on the seemingly expensive hardwood flooring. To his left and further into the room he could see a kitchen, at least four times the size of his own and definitely about ten times nicer than his. The only personal touch there were some postcards that had been stuck to the front of the fridge. From where they were still standing by the front door Doyoung couldn’t see the whole room but he assumed the kitchen opened up into an even bigger living room. He didn’t actually mind not seeing more of the apartment though. There was something that felt dangerously like jealousy trying to push against the carefully neutral barrier of curiosity he had put up before he stepped into Jaehyun’s home. After all, he was a professional. A few weeks ago he would have laughed at that thought, his Youtube channel a project fuelled by passion instead of professionalism, but he supposed it was true now. He had a sponsorship deal with _Keyline_ and popular content creator JustJaehyun had technically asked him to collab. It was too late now to let personal and petty feelings get in the way of their jobs. Even if the wariness he felt towards Jaehyun was still ever present.

“Do you want anything to drink? Water or coffee?”, the man in question asked and pointed to the kitchen behind him like Doyoung hadn’t already stared at every visible part of the apartment as quickly and discreetly as possible.

“No thank you, I’m fine”, Doyoung declined politely and, when he realised he had absolutely no interest in exchanging any more pleasantries, desperately hoped there would be no awkward silence after he rejected this chance at small talk. For once he genuinely wasn’t trying to be difficult, the thought of having to wait in the unfamiliar apartment while Jaehyun was making coffee just didn’t sound very appealing. It wasn’t the first time he’d met Jaehyun and it certainly wasn’t the most embarrassing conversation so far, his drunk call was a strong contender for that title, but everything about this situation felt increasingly awkward now that Taeil had left them alone. If Jaehyun had similar thoughts he thankfully dealt with them better than Doyoung did.

“I thought we could start recording here, do some of the things I usually do so you won’t have to do anything you don’t want”, Jaehyun said and Doyoung appreciated that he skipped past the small talk too. He didn’t wait for Doyoung to reply either and walked towards one of the doors on their right. “This is where I usually record my more scripted videos and do livestreams.” Doyoung took a peek into the room when Jaehyun opened the door for him to see.

For a moment he was surprised that he actually recognized it, the only difference being the perspective that now allowed him to see the big ring light and multiple monitors on the desk. As much as Doyoung liked to pretend he had banned the memory of Jaehyun coming out during a livestream from his memories it was harder now that he was seeing the room he’d only known from screens right in front of him. Suddenly a lot of the things he’d been trying to push to the back of his mind were starting to feel real. He could almost hear Jaehyun’s voice saying _He’s cute, right? I mean Doyoung._ When the real, breathing Jaehyun standing next to him spoke up and interrupted his thoughts he genuinely felt relieved.

“We could do something else that you like too but I was wondering… if you maybe wanted to help me with a song I could cover”, Jaehyun said and hesitated briefly although the small smile on his face gave him an air of confidence. The combination of it all made Doyoung feel a little dizzy. If Jaehyun liked to take the initiative in this situation Doyoung saw no point in disagreeing with him either.

“The video is meant to be a day in your life”, Doyoung reminded him and shrugged his shoulders, “I’m just here to hang out for a while. I’m not even sure if I can contribute much to the video anyway.”

Jaehyun however didn’t look convinced in the slightest. Even though Doyoung surely wasn’t able to read every expression on the others face, they would have had to stop hating each other first for that kind of familiarity to settle in, he noticed his eyebrows furrow in what he could only describe as concern.

“Seriously”, Doyoung started again to get his point across because the somewhat worried look on Jaehyun’s face wasn’t something he wanted to be responsible for, “I’m fine with whatever you want to do.” He knew that to anyone who might have seen their previous interaction his behaviour must have seemed weird, Yuta might have even called him out on how differently he acted now than the last times he had spoken to Jaehyun. Doyoung on the other hand thought he wasn’t to blame for that because for someone who had been strutting around a fashion event with no shirt under his suit jacket and the confidence to match it Jaehyun was the one acting strangely timid now. He sounded like he needed reassurance more than snarky comments and Doyoung couldn’t find a reason to deny him of it. He didn’t like the guy but he wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable either, especially when they still had the five hours they’d agreed on left. When he was rewarded by a smile that replaced the worried creases on Jaehyun’s face Doyoung was glad that for once he himself wasn’t making things even worse.

“We can record in my little studio then”, Jaehyun said, sounding decidedly more optimistic now and led them to a door on the opposite wall instead. When they stepped inside the room Doyoung’s eyes had to adjust to the lack of natural light that he had gotten used to because of the direct sunlight in the open hallway and living space. There were no windows, the walls were covered in some kind of soundproofing material and only a lava lamp in the corner next to a dark blue sofa provided some kind of light. The other parts of the room and its furniture took shape when Jaehyun turned on another small lamp on the desk that covered one whole side of the space and carried two monitors as well as a keyboard. All in all it was smaller than the recording room they’d seen before but Doyoung knew that he probably failed to hide his reaction to it anyway. He was lucky if he could place his laptop on the one kitchen counter he had, considering it wasn’t covered with dishes, when he wanted to record videos at his desk, which served as his dining table at the same time. But of course JustJaehyun with his 3million subscribers not only had a separate recording room for his videos but also an actual studio with equipment that looked like it lacked no components at all to record a full length album right there in Jaehyun’s apartment.

“I didn’t know the Youtube partner program can get you an ad revenue this high”, Doyoung said absentmindedly, his eyes focused on the expensive looking microphone and the colourful light the lava lamp shone onto the textured walls. Doyoung thought this might have come close to what it probably felt like to be under water when one went deep diving and the sunlight reflected on the surface of the sea.

“I can only afford this stuff because people are so generous during my livestreams and I do some photoshoots sometimes”, Jaehyun explained and Doyoung regretted saying these things out loud without thinking about their implications beforehand. He was trying to be civil and talking about someone else’s income was definitely considered rude. Jaehyun’s response wasn’t really surprising though. Because again, of course, Jeong Jaehyun was getting booked for photoshoots. Doyoung couldn’t even say it was probably just dependant on his popularity because Jaehyun had the looks for it too. And while the ad revenue he received must have still been much higher than Doyoung’s it made sense that he had different sources of income besides the Youtube partner program. In a sense they were colleagues, although at very different stages of what people might have called their Youtube careers, and as uncountable other creators on the platform Doyoung was partnered with Youtube too. This look into Jaehyun’s life however reminded him how very different their experience with it was.

“You can take a seat on the sofa if you want”, Jaehyun changed the topic but didn’t do as he offered to Doyoung. With a small but safe distance between them he went to sit on the desk chair instead. He reached behind himself towards a camera that was positioned on top of the desk with a tripod.

“We’ll just keep this camera rolling to record, alright?”, he said and looked over his shoulder to make eye contact with Doyoung again. On the sofa, Doyoung scooted further into the seat like the soft cushions were the only thing that could ground him right now. But when his gaze met Jaehyun’s his hands that he’d unconsciously balled into fists loosened almost unnoticeably.

“Okay”, he agreed and Jaehyun clicked the record button on the touchscreen of the camera without any hesitation.

On the relatively short train ride Doyoung had had his fair share of doubts about whether or not accepting Jaehyun’s offer had been a mistake. And although their initial conversation when he arrived at the apartment hadn’t been as tense as it could have been considering their previous behaviour towards each other it hadn’t eased all of his worries either. Because on top of whatever strangely hostile feelings he and Jaehyun had towards each other, Doyoung still wasn’t really used to acting natural in front of a camera. In the past he’d done hundreds of videos but only few with his voice and face on full display since he had appeared in Yuta’s video. If being around Jaehyun on his own for the first time wouldn’t have been the reason that he couldn’t truly act like himself, the constant presence of the camera that captured his whole body and every single one of his movements in its frame would have had the same effect on him. Contrary to his own expectations however, while he was sitting in Jaehyun’s private little studio he was feeling much more relaxed than he thought would have ever been possible in this situation. Maybe it was because of the soft lighting or the type of music they were listening to or the way Jaehyun smiled when he talked about his favourite songs. In fact, he had almost forgotten about the camera on the desk.

It took them close to an hour to decide on a song that Jaehyun would do a cover of for his channel and to Doyoung’s surprise their music taste wasn’t much different. Either Jaehyun had had an Emo phase as a teenager or he was more sentimental than Doyoung had thought judging by his image but his preferred song choices were mostly of the emotional or sad kind. Even the more upbeat pop songs, with one or two indie songs thrown into the mix, that he played didn’t have the carefree and easy-going flair Doyoung had somehow associated with someone as active in the social and physical sense like Jaehyun appeared to be. Throughout that hour Doyoung listened to songs from bands that he had never even heard of but when it came to love songs, they realised they both liked melodies and lyrics that were dramatic rather than sweet, laden with emotions that could only fully be expressed through music.

“Aren’t you going to try singing it?”, Doyoung asked genuinely curious when they finally decided on a song they both liked. Even after a whole hour of them exchanging opinions Doyoung wasn’t really sure why his mattered at all but if Jaehyun had the same doubts he didn’t share them and Doyoung was grateful for that. Without other people like Yuta and Jungwoo acting as a buffer between them Jaehyun was less quiet, more open to sharing his thoughts it seemed and Doyoung realised that at least when it came to music he did want to hear them. So when he asked this question now and Jaehyun actively avoided looking back at him he was intrigued.

“I don’t know I might try singing the songs we narrowed it down to sometime later”, Jaehyun excused himself from following through with the other’s question and Doyoung knew his confusion probably showed on his always so expressive face. He could feel his own eyebrows rise when he heard Jaehyun’s words. It was extremely anticlimactic in a way, to have talked about the songs for so long and not actually hearing Jaehyun sing them. Neither did it really make sense Doyoung thought, that Jaehyun asked him to help with the song cover but then refused to sing. Almost like everything about this afternoon of them together had been leading up to this moment and Doyoung wished he knew what was going on in Jaehyun’s mind when he turned his back towards him to face the monitors instead.

“I’d like to hear you sing”, Doyoung said after a short moment of silence for one simple reason. It was the truth. For all the time Jaehyun had occupied his thoughts lately, whether it was worry or anger, he had never actually gone ahead and listened to one of his song covers. Now that he thought about it, his image of the other man couldn’t really be complete unless he heard him sing at least once and he wondered to himself just how he had managed to come this far without having listened to it.

“Alright”, Jaehyun agreed in a quiet voice and then faced the camera standing on the desk in front of him with a sudden bright smile, “I guess you guys are getting a sneak peak for the next cover too.”

Over the past hour Jaehyun had directly spoken into the camera like this a few times, he adjusted the angle of the frame of what was being filmed and took out another handheld camera to show the editing program and possible song selection on his monitors. As a Youtuber himself, although in the past he hadn’t shown or spoken in his own videos much, this behaviour wasn’t exactly foreign to Doyoung. It had been a long time of being friends with Yuta who liked to film himself at the most random times too. But every time Jaehyun made himself aware of the cameras Doyoung could see him straighten his back, widen his smile just a little bit so that his dimples would show. And despite the good, laid-back mood Jaehyun was clearly displaying he hadn’t heard him laugh like he had when it had been just the two of them at a parking lot at night.

“You ready?”, Jaehyun turned away from the camera to ask Doyoung instead, giving him a chance to take back his words.

“Yeah”, Doyoung breathed out the word more than he said it but that seemed to be all the encouragement Jaehyun needed.

And when Jaehyun sang the first note of the song a lot of things suddenly made sense to Doyoung. It took exactly four seconds of listening to Jaehyun sing for him to understand why there were so many song covers on his channel that didn’t always seem to fit his other sports and Vlog related content, why he didn’t only have millions of subscribers but why so many people genuinely adored him. Doyoung could understand now why Jaehyun was so so loved. Over the past hour they had discussed many different songs and the one they decided on, although it wasn’t as dramatic as the ballads Doyoung liked to belt in the shower, was one that Jaehyun had said he could relate to. There was no way for Doyoung to know what he’d been referring to but they agreed that in the end, this was what mattered the most while singing. And whatever lingering feelings or thoughts Jaehyun had attached to this song, he was laying them all bare for Doyoung to see. His voice was deeper in the verses, his dark tone contrasting nicely against the higher notes in the chorus that he somehow didn’t struggle to reach either. It was soft, a little shaky due to nerves or the emotion he put into every word and, Doyoung realised when Jaehyun stopped singing after the first chorus and he wished he didn’t, it was beautiful.

“Was that okay? You think it’ll work for a full cover?”, Jaehyun immediately started with a question and any trace of the emotion he had put into his singing was wiped from both his voice and his face. The smile he was showing in that moment was so unlike the lyrics he had just sung that it irritated Doyoung slightly.

“Of course, that sounded great”, he answered honestly but he wondered if Jaehyun noticed that he was distracted by the sudden switch in mood. It was possible that he did because while he nodded in appreciation at Doyoung’s compliment he moved to get up from the desk chair.

“My throat feels a little sore after this. I’ll go get us something to drink. Do you want coffee now or anything else?”

“Just water is fine, thanks”, Doyoung said and a few seconds later he was alone in the small studio. If he knew better he maybe would have thought that that there was a tenseness in Jaehyun’s shoulders and the way he spoke since they had started recording. There was nothing of the casualness left that had greeted him and had mostly been directed at Taeil. Doyoung however told himself that he didn’t actually know any better. He was so sure that he didn’t even like Jaehyun that he didn’t think he had any right to judge his behaviour. After all, maybe it was Doyoung himself who, without friends like Jungwoo and Yuta deflecting any negativity, was the one who made Jaehyun uncomfortable.

For a moment he considered a different possibility and pulled out his phone to look up the lyrics to the song Jaehyun had been singing just a few seconds ago. The song was obviously a breakup song in its sad but sweet way. The melody was simple enough and while he was alone in the room Doyoung tried singing it once and then again when he felt like he could reach the higher notes in the chorus easily. The apartment was big enough that Jaehyun in the kitchen probably couldn’t hear him and the soundproofing on the walls may have helped with that too despite the slight gap of the unclosed door. Still, he kept his voice relatively low to be safe that his impromptu singing was going unnoticed. By the time Jaehyun pushed the door to the studio wide open again Doyoung’s voice had already faded.

He was carrying a glass of water in each of his hands but instead of putting them down on the desk he walked past the chair and sat down on the sofa next to Doyoung. There was nothing wrong with Jaehyun sitting down on his own sofa in his own apartment but it surprised Doyoung nevertheless. The safe distance that had physically been between the sofa and desk chair was something he had appreciated. Since Jaehyun had opened his front door for Doyoung to come into his home the latter had managed to keep any ill feeling he might have been feeling towards the host through careful politeness and genuine interest in their shared interest in music. Doyoung thought it would have been a shame if all that went to waste now that they were sitting so close, Jaehyun’s presence and the light touch of their legs when either of them shifted slightly so distracting that he almost missed the way Jaehyun was holding out one of the glasses for him to take.

“Thanks”, Doyoung said and took a sip to avoid trying to pick up their fragile conversation again that had ended when Jaehyun left the room.

“There’s this other song I just remembered. I honestly wouldn’t be able to sing it but from what you said I think you might like it”, Jaehyun kindly initiated and put his already empty glass on the tiny side table next to the lava lamp in favour of typing something into his phone. When he found what he’d apparently been looking for he leaned even closer towards Doyoung so that they could both see the screen. At once Doyoung could smell his light cologne, something fresh rather than a heavy scent, and if possible it was twice as distracting as the rips in Jaehyun’s jeans where their knees touched.

“You can just text me a link to the song”, Doyoung said and emptied his glass too, successfully excusing himself from having to look at the same small phone display together.

“Would that be okay?”, Jaehyun asked to Doyoung’s surprise and his voice didn’t sound nearly as confident and purposefully entertaining as it did when he directed it at the camera. It was only then that Doyoung remembered the promise he’d asked Jaehyun to make and break again. He still didn’t want to become friends of any sort with the other Youtuber but now that they were looking so closely at each other it felt odd to think that Doyoung had ever made this man promise not to text or even mention him. It felt like a lifetime ago and somehow also like no time had passed at all since then with the way his life revolved around it for the past weeks.

Briefly his mind drifted back to the camera that was filming their whole exchange but he noticed that it didn’t actually matter much for what he was about to say. His intentions were genuine when he said: “Yeah, you can text me. I’ll listen to the song when I get home.”

“Okay, nice”, was all Jaehyun replied to that but he smiled when he stood up from the sofa again and walked over to the desk. Doyoung half-expected the small smile to fall when Jaehyun reached forward to turn off the camera but it didn’t. Jaehyun gestured to the door with one of the empty glasses in hand and Doyoung followed him out of the room without needing much more of an explanation.

“There’s still a few hours left and I don’t want to bore you or the viewers with my singing stuff any longer”, Jaehyun said when they made their way through the apartment to place the two glasses in the spotless sink and Doyoung didn’t mention that he probably wouldn’t get bored for a while listening to him sing, “I was thinking we could go to the gym.”

“Seriously?”, Doyoung asked because that change of topic had gone way too fast for him.

“Yes, I mean at least it’d be a change of scenery and something different for us to do after sitting in that dark studio for hours”, unfortunately for Doyoung, Jaehyun didn’t sound like he was joking.

“That’s proof”, Doyoung said while the other walked around the big kitchen isle and towards him again, “you really do hate me.”

And for the first time Jaehyun laughed out loud only for Doyoung to hear. They both knew there was some truth behind the teasing, too many hurt feelings and mistakes on both sides to be forgotten, but he could laugh about it. In the comfort of his own home and with the cameras turned off Jaehyun’s laugh sounded different than Doyoung remembered it. He carefully committed it to memory like the way it varied was a mystery that was yet to be uncovered. Doyoung wondered what it would sound like the next time he heard it without even fully realising himself that he was starting to believe there would be a next time at all.

“Going to the gym is good for you”, Jaehyun argued like there was any way reason could have been the deciding factor in this situation.

“Are you saying I need to work out?”

“Of course not”, Jaehyun assured but the line between teasing and arguing was starting to blur with something else Doyoung couldn’t quite name, “How would I know anyway? You could be hiding a really toned body under that hoodie.”

Doyoung looked down at his own oversized beige hoodie with its graphic print and long sleeves. It was meant to keep him warm at this time of the year but there was a different kind of traitorous heat slowly rising to his cheeks now.

“I can’t go work out in these clothes”, Doyoung said and pulled the sleeves of the fabric over his hands.

“You can borrow some of mine”, Jaehyun offered quickly and looked him over once again, “they should probably fit you.”

Before Doyoung had a chance to object again Jaehyun already made his way over to a door on the other side of the big open room. Some drawers and doors could be heard open and close and Doyoung could only assume that this was Jaehyun’s bedroom because he didn’t actually follow him there. He had no plans to ever return to this address but seeing the bedroom was still one boundary of basic respect for one’s privacy that he didn’t want to overstep. When Jaehyun stepped back out of the room again he was carrying a gym bag, an extra set of clothes and Doyoung finally regretted agreeing to this collab in the first place.

* * *

It was getting dark earlier these days so the sun had almost set when they decided to walk the supposedly short distance to the gym in the early evening hours. The moon and last rays of sun shared the sky around that time. Jaehyun who was walking half a step in front of Doyoung was struggling to get one of his smaller cameras to work that he’d said he usually used to film his Vlogs outside or at public lots. There was a frown on his face during his attempt at fixing the camera and Doyoung realised that he’d been expecting to see this kind of expression much more often throughout their video shoot but now that it had made its first appearance it wasn’t even directed at him. Their walk through the affluent-looking neighbourhood Jaehyun lived in had passed mostly quiet so far, neither of them used to talking to each other without having a direct topic, or in their case more often than not accusations, to talk about. It was the closest they had come that day to the way they interacted with each other previously but Doyoung couldn’t say he was feeling uncomfortable either. The weather was too nice and Jaehyun’s hair was too golden with a few last stray rays of sunlight shining onto him.

They should have probably talked about it, why they weren’t feeling as tense as expected, whether Doyoung was alone with the feeling like he was just pushing the hurtful memories away and buried them under the sound of Jaehyun’s singing voice for the sake of this video collaboration. They should have talked about it all but when Doyoung eventually considered it Jaehyun suddenly turned around to look at him.

“It’s working! We’re filming”, he said very much excited that he’d managed to fix whatever had been the problem. Jaehyun fell into step next to him but he wasn’t looking at Doyoung as much as the camera when he started explaining to the potential viewers of the video that they were on their way to the gym. Doyoung was carrying Jaehyun’s clothes he’d be wearing in a bag and changed the hand he was holding it in when it hit Jaehyun’s legs a few times. Although Jaehyun most likely wouldn’t have felt it anyway judging by how his entire focus had shifted once the camera started filming. The short walk must have been over soon and Doyoung understood then that they weren’t going to talk about any of this at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (kinda) good news: my hands havent fully recovered but at least the pain isnt as bad anymore when i write so that shouldn't hold back this story for much longer [thank you for your kind words about it too]  
> bad news: uni is draining all my time and energy  
> i hope that explains why this chapter took a while,, i also hope that this chapter made whoever is reading this smile bc i've been overthinking everything and this is the first part of the story where the main characters actually interact on their own  
> i've actually already done the outline for maaany chapters but i also split the plot that was meant for chapter four into 3 now so... yeah we're still doing the whole video collab storyline in the next chapter, we'll be here for a looooong time before this story reaches its end
> 
> if u have any thoughts or feelings about it that u want to share pls leave some comments or kudos as always! i appreciate them more than u know and while its nice to see ppl subscribing to the story it always means a lot to hear your opinion  
> thanks for reading and i'll see you whenever i manage to finish the next chapter
> 
> ((the song i imagined for the cover scene was "ur just a fan - suggi))


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